No longer giving myself a hard time for the ending with Z

Aug 1
Father, Z and I are finally over. He no longer reply my messages. Like he said, let's move on. I

No wonder The Outsider card comes in. But I needed to know the answer before I go.

Msg from Pl
Just be grateful 4 the experience u had with Z n move on. Wish him well. U have a whole life in front of u 4 more joyful experiences.

Yea. Just did shoonya. Cried bit. But then joy came.

52 days card in Mercury (Jul 3 to Aug 23)
When this card appears, there is always the chance of a separation or divorce with someone u love, but there is an equal possibility that u will be taking a trip or moving to a new home.

Soul
When I first read this card, I couldn't relate at all. Then I tot it is due to separation from the job, from E who I do like to work with but not his style.
I never expect it to come from Z. His request for break up was so sudden.

Father, I am sad but the joy is still there. Perhaps because I resolved my issue with money so I need not face it with Z who doesn't have money. So, let me view this positively.

Diamond Heart - book 3
Understanding, then, includes the mind becoming an expression or a channel for Being. Mind becomes connected to Being, not separate from it like it was when u were a child, or like it was when u r an adult just seeing ur issues.
At this level, understanding becomes the unity, the interface, the meeting of Being and mind. U r Being, but there is also awareness of the beingness. This consciousness of beingness is understanding.

Soul
I now know I can experience joy and love on my own, without anything/anyone. So, now I am down, my joy and love arise to influence my mind not to be negative, not to go back to the past.

Diamond Heart - book 3
When u understand completely, u go to the next level of ur being. If u don't understand it, u get to stay where u are.
So, understanding is a development which also brings loss.
When u understand love, u understand losing it doesn't mean u don't experience it anymore, but rather that love will arise in ur experience only if ur environment needs it.

If understanding can lead u to the unknowable, which is the undying and the unchangeable, then u r free to live life without fear.

When u know that u r unknowable, u know u cannot be any image, u cannot be ur Aubody our personality, u cannot be rejected or hurt, u cannot die and etc.
Even ur own mind cannot hurt u. How can u criticise? What's there to criticise! But as long as u have ideas about who u r, u will have ideas about how u should be, and criticise urself; u should be bigger, smaller, smarter, better looking.

When u honestly don't know. U cannot give urself a hard time. U don't know because u cannot be known. That's freedom, then. When u cannot pinpoint urself with ur mind, then u r free.

(Aug 25 - now facing the second hurdle with Z. Yday my mind was judging me but today it has stopped)