Z wanted to break up

Jul 28 Morning

My commitment to the relationship is that we won't break up unless Z wanted to. Many times I really wanted to but something hold me back. What holds me back was my love for him and my lesson in unlovability.

He has his financial issue and I feel insecure about it. We have always talked openly about it. But this week, I resign from my new job and he was triggered. When I was in dilemma of resigning due to my issue of money insecurity, he picked it up.
I wonder whether he is worried that I took at part time job and then expect him to take care. I think its because he finally realised he cannot afford me.

Anyway, he asked me to go and look for another guy. He said I am afraid of his financials. I told him yes, and he cannot afford me. But then he cannot afford all his properties either but he still keep them. He reverted that its because the properties in his Top 5. I replied that he is in my Top 5 but I am no in his Top 5. I let go of him as requested.

(Aug 21 - Z and I are back together. He told me he has just sold off one of his property. He knows he cannot afford to keep 2. I am glad he listen)

Tears fell and I am sad. But I don't feel unlovable. I still love him and want him despite my fear of his financials.

Finally, I overcome my issue on money. I was willing to go for xk and turn out I still have xxk. Looks like I finally sorted out my money issue and with that Z also is out from my life.

We are ending because Z cannot afford me and he realised it. Perhaps that is his take back, finally knowing that he cannot have everything. Knowing that sometimes he really cannot afford it. Hope this realisation will go to his financials too.

(Aug 21 - Z told me he now knows that the extra money to be pumped back into his business. He also told me about his savings and he can now give me money if I want to.)

For me...timing is perfect. Both ending of money and lovability issue and I got back to Ashram to energise myself.