Trying to accept the break up with Z

Jul 29
Father, I re-read his msg. I have misunderstood his msg of travels. He meant he was busy travelling and hence couldn't talk to me on ending our rship. He is not referring to travel with me. He was callous. I could never relate how his ex-wife could get a lawyer in. Alas, now he is doing something similar.

Father, I have to take his previous msg of asking me to move on as the real one.

So, we are finally off. I am fine. Previously I tot I would break down, but I am fine. Love and money is there. There is no longer any fear of loss. Its not worth it. I put my heart out and he trample over it. Alas, I m not in his Top 5 and he doesn't want someone who cannot stand his financials.

Move on. The timing is perfect and I would take the visit to India for healing.

And I would only take him back if we openly declare our relationship. I am no longer willing for it to be hidden. Anyway, just go with the flow.

(Aug 21 - we are back tentatively together and I told him I wanted us to have dates like other normal couples. He didn't reject my suggestion)

Receptivity
The Queen of Water brings a time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without any expectations or demands. Neither duty or thought of merit or reward are important.
Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now.

Soul
I tot of him. Alas, he realised how bad his financials were. He used to think it is fine. But it is not. Perhaps me being able to quit and take a 50% salary cut makes him see that he can never do that. If he just stop working for awhile, whole thing crumble as he has no savings at all.

As for me, I never like how we are in a hidden relationship. But I continued because of my commitment to my lesson. Alas, when I breakthru the money issue, the break up comes on its own accord. And the timing is perfect. Because it happens the same time as my breakthru in money, I could handle this break up much easier. So, I only have gratitude.

A new beginning for everything. By age 48, I be with a guy in Club sign. So, let's see. No wonder now I can see new beginning in relationships. Its ok. Whatever will be, will be. My joy is intact.

(Aug 21 - my defense mechanism reacting to his rejection of me. So, I start to reject him too.)

Diamond Heart - Book 3
Our minds determine how we want to be, what we want to do, everything, really about how we live our lives.

First, we do what we believe to be the good; and second, everything we do, every little thing, depends on what we think we know.
Third, our education doesn't give us a complete perspective on the value of knowledge: we are taught to restrict it to certain areas and to limit its value.

When we realise these two points, it becomes easy to know what we are doing here: we are trying to find the correct knowledge of what is good and what is not good. What is really good for u? Is ur belief about what is good for u true! Is what u believe to be the best way to do things really the best way?

Everyone does what he thinks is good. There is no bad person, there is no evil person; there is only the ignorant person.