Feeling joyous

Aug 1

Father, woke up 4 am to do hata. Body was fine. Hata not so great and then I did breathing. As I got into it, body start to get more nimble. I started with Shakti but don't have the heart to do it. So, I stop at 5.40 am and slept back till 6.50 am. I still experience the excretion of body heat. So, meditation is still better than hata in re-energising.

I took the plunge. I just msg Z for a meet-up tomorrow. I cannot leave this hanging. I need to know the conclusion.

On my job, I am now convinced I don't have the energy or rather I am not willing to spend energy just to get a salary. It doesn't bring me well-being or joy. It is just sloughing through.

What is needed for resolution?
Stress

Soul
When I saw this on Monday, I tot not possible as Sl is doing P & L. And here I am sloughing again, E just throw another screw, this time on Commission. For the past few weeks, he has put screws to all my reporting lines. Anyway, it will be fine.


Diamond Heart - book 3
The presence of the mind, and with it understanding, is both the cause of our suffering, and the possibility for us to experience ourselves deeply, expansively and creatively. The moment we have a mind, understanding becomes imperative, since without understanding suffering would simply continue.
When u have a mind, it becomes natural to have ideas about things and about urself. U have memory, from which u create images of who u r and because of this, u develop fears and desires. Without memory, there would be no fears and no desires.
If u didn't remember the past, u wouldn't be frightened now; and if u didn't recall the good times, u would have no desires and longings. Without the capacity for remembering, there would be no suffering. U be like a contented tree or animal.

What understanding gives us is the possibility of actually seeing through this process. Without understanding, u will just identify with these old self images and go on believing that u r a person who has such and such a quality, who is weak or dumb, who eats too much or gets taken advantage or feel nervous at parties and so forth. Self-image upon self-image.

Soul
I used to think myself can only have value by working. Now I don't. I used to think I must have value to be lovable, but now I don't.
I used to think I am unlovable, now I don't. I can now take rejection without feeling I m unlovable.

Diamond Heart - book 3
The idea of a person is not something u learned only from ur parents; it's human conditioning. However, our deepest nature is not that of a person. We can manifest as a person, but at the deepest level, we are something that is the source of the person. When we come to the understanding that reveals the truth rather than the falsehood, then it is functioning more as a process of unfoldment itself. Seeing one layer of our reality and understanding it, is the same thing as that layer coming out, unfolding like a flower opening up. Understanding becomes the same thing as the process of actually living ur unfoldment.

Because u understand ur experience of joy, for instance, u experience urself as joy. U become light, happy and joyous; u start joking and become bubbly and can't stop laughing.

What does understanding means then? Part of it, which is revealing the falsehood, see whatever barrier stopped u from being joy. Then u understand what it is to be joy. To understand what it is to be joy means to be joy consciously, means actually feel it as ur very atoms.

Soul
I m experiencing.