Doing things we don't like but is good for us is to cultivate awareness

Oct 20 Eve

There were some tots of Z but I waive it off. Life is a play. At that moment I wanted to share my love. Now I don't want to and don't need to. This when my awareness needed to take over.

When my love for him is overflowing and I cannot contain, just share. When I wanted love from him, that's when I needed to be conscious and hold back.

Father, life is truly a play.

Mystic's Musings
Now the whole thing is to shift into making conscious choices. Even a simple act - like when u wake up in the morning, the unconscious choice is that u don't want to wake up. When the sun rises, u want to pull the sheet up a little higher over ur face. Ur physical body wants to remain in bed for some more time, and some more time.

For so many reasons, it doesn't want to get up. There are so many aspects of life, so many limitations in ur experience of life, that in many ways, unconsciously, u r not really looking forward to the day.

Let's just say tomorrow u planned to go on a picnic. U r looking forward and it is a joyful experience. U will see, u will wake up before the sun comes up. Otherwise unconsciously, u try to pull the sheet higher over ur face because this light is not something u r looking forward to.

Soul
I guess that's what happens to me since early mid July when Z suddenly decides to opt out and then we barely got back together in Sept and then off again. Perhaps that's why I didn't want to wake up. Nothing to look forward to.

Mystic's Musings
Why ascetic paths were set is simply because of this; u start doing things that are naturally not comfortable for u. Once u start doing such activity that is uncomfortable for u, u do it but u don't like it. If u have to do something u do not like, u can only do it consciously, there is no other way to do it. Yes?
Things that u like, u can do compulsively; but things that u don't like, u can only do consciously. That is why the ascetic path. U start doing everything consciously.

There is no other way. Now slowly u r practising how to be conscious in various situations in ur life. To stay away from food, there is no choice except being conscious about it, but to go and eat, u don't need consciousness; u can simply go and grab it when u r hungry.
For example, we only have 2 meals a day. By the time this meal comes, naturally u r very hungry but u don't eat immediately. U will wait for everybody to sit down. U wait for something to go onto everybody's plate, then u utter an invocation, and then u slowly eat. This needs consciousness. It takes enormous awareness for a person. To grab and eat would be very simple, but u will become more and more unconscious.

This consciousness is brought into ur life. Every morning u want to sleep but u wake up and do ur yoga kriyas. U can't do it any other way but by being conscious about it. So, like this, u r cultivating awareness into different aspects of ur life.

Maybe initially ur awareness is only for half an hour a day, but gradually u r bringing awareness into various aspects of life like this. The idea of cultivating awareness is so that it slowly seeps into ur life.

In one way that is a reality; u r cultivating awareness. One thing is does is, it enhances the quality of ur life, but that's not everything. The main aspect is that if u can maintain awareness in various kinds of situations in life, only then will u even become capable of being aware at that moment when u have to part with the body. Otherwise that never arises in ur life.


Soul
Suddenly I tot Z be great. He got tremendous awareness or perhaps focus of will power or mind. He is able to harness it into the direction he wants. At the moment it is geared on money. The same with E too. Do I also have it, the drive? Oh yea, they are one sided, extreme. Their karma is to be "balanced". Z balance of life style and E balance of rship.

On myself, these days I take time out for shoonya even during off days.