Unexpected pre-menopause

Oct 2

Father, woke up at 4.20 am feeling bit tired. Had some resistance but I ignored it. Not a good excuse. So, I woke up and did hata yoga asanas. Since I did suria yday, the asanas was not too bad.
I found the plough back was good and my leg lift up good too. For a moment, I wonder why need to take hata. Then I tot of my other asanas, not great and I don't do it consciously, so good decision.

I had a weird dream this morning. Dreamed that my sister got me married to this chinese guy in church after 2 meetings and the second meeting was the marriage. After the marriage, I asked sis why she wants me to be married, she replied she tots that what I want. I said nope but I went along with it, that's all.
Then I was in a meditation in a group and I was lying down, the guru in a mask came and said I waste their time by sleeping. I said nope, I am meditating unless I fell asleep accidentally. Then everyone goes and the whole house shut down with me inside. But I can also see the house from outside. As I was pondering why I can see from outside, if I am shut inside, I woke up from the dream.

Father, I used to be unable to remember my dream but now I can.

(Oct 2 - not sure if this means my pre-menopause period. I didn't expect it and if I am negative, this totally wipe out the chance between me and Z. I can never be pregnant, even if I want to. But of course, the other part of me feel relieved that decision is already made. I have never wanted children before; I only tot of it. Anyway, decision made.)

Osho
When a commune gathers around a master, a certain vibration is there - very tangible to those who are sensitive, aware, loving, surrendered, committed; who are not just outsiders, observers; who are not just standing by and trying to see what is happening but who are courageous enough to become part of it. Then ur heart starts falling in tune with the heart of the master. And where thousands of hearts are functioning in the same rhythm, beating in the same rhythm, u cannot resist the temptation. That's the only way to grow towards the unknown. Sannyas is a mysterious journey. And in ur ordinary, unconscious state, u will not be able to do it by urself.

Soul
Sathsang is great. But I now found I can cross over on my own too.

Osho
No child is born with a long face; every child is born with laughter, with a great joy which is ready to explode. We destroy his joy. Me effort here is to release that joy again, to bring ur childhood back to u.