Missing Z...but thats my lesson

Sept 28 Eve

Father, I love Z but I want a full time partner. Not someone that kept me hidden. We are both single but going on as if we are in an affair. I know he wants to hide as he cannot afford 'failure' again after his divorce.

A tot came and I miss him but I told myself just let it be, we r not meant to be. Finally lost my Ace of Diamond.

I miss him but its ok.

I just sit silently watching my breathe and tots. The tears flow by itself. I miss him. I want him. I finally cry after 2 weeks. I am feeling better. Guess the 1st week I was too busy at work to feel and last weekend I was outstation and back home only a few days and now finally I cried.

I love him but I don't want to be hurt again. It is true, the hidden part only reactivate the feeling of unlovability. But I managed to last for 2 years, it is enough. I want a real partner, not just someone I love. If the person I love can't be with me, then what's the point. I can learn to love a full time partner.

Ace of Diamonds in Ruling (double impact)
They will often fall in love with someone who travels a lot and is frequently away from home.
In all cases, there is some sort of distance between them and their closest relationship. Sometimes this distance is a good thing if both partners like it and accept it as part of their rship. In other cases, the distance is a real problem.
They are here to learn about the value of having their mates and lovers with them. This distance will create a longing in them to have their partners with them. Eventually they learn that it is important not only to have a partner in love, but also this partner be with them physically, sexually and emotionally.
To learn this lesson, the Ace of Diamonds starts out creating these long-distance rships but sooner or later changes their value system in this area and creates a healthier, more balanced pattern.

Soul
Yea...thats me..but I have changed...I no longer want an off-line rship.
My long range in Destiny was Ace of Diamond - creation of new values or doing away with old values.