Still feeling lazy to do Isha practices

Oct 11

I woke up at 4.25 am just before alarm. Body is fine but I was lazy. Didn't want to do hata. Just feel lazy.

Father, my menses finally came. I am truly on peri-menopause. I was at hospital having blood test done. I saw the sick old people. I am really glad I quit new company. I am contented to have time off on my own. Just chilling.

Not sure why. Keep on wanting to share with Z my peri-menopause. He is my best friend. We shared everything this last 2 years.

This morning I had a dream of a partner after Z. A young chinese guy. Not sure why.

Osho
If u dive in totally and go down to the rock-bottom of life, u will find nothing there. From there, u will return empty-handed in one sense, but in another sense ur hands will be full.
U will be empty-handed because u will have realised that there is nothing in life. Ur hands will be full in the sense u can search for the divine - carefree, devoid of all doubt.
There remains no obstacle now in ur search for the divine. No new alternatives will arise before u. The crows of ur tots and desire will not caw at u. Now u can walk on. Now the stream of ur life can become one and fall into the ocean of the divine.

Soul
I walked all the way on the corporate world. I can now semi-retire without regrets. There is nothing there for me except a means of financial security.