Oct 2 Eve
Father, I am glad I make peace with P and she also offer returns.
She is the one I can talk and relate to. That's why it felt like betrayal when she hurt my feelings.
Mmm, again after Shoonya, I go for Hata Yoga. I am basically not a "physical" person but somehow I am energised for hata after shoonya. Like now going back again.
Just now I cried during shoonya and then laughing, and crying. Crying over Z. He is coming home this Friday and I can no longer pretend we could have hope. It is hopeless.
No wonder I draw this Osho card for this week:
Transformation.
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity". It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up, knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night he come enlightened.
Soul
Not sure about enlightenment but I can see the hopelessness for Z and I. I am sad. So, just remember to feel and let the tears out. I be fine.
Osho
The devotee will fight many times, will quarrel many times. When the quarrel is full of love, that too is a form of prayer. If u don't have the courage to quarrel with the divine, u don't know anything about devotion yet. Ur love is still weak if u cannot fight with the beloved. True love endures a million fight and still survives. No fight can break it. The truth is it becomes even deeper, even more refined and shining after every fight. The devotee is angry with God, but then again he persuades him. And if a devotee is really angry, then God also makes an effort to pursuade him!
So those moment do come when ur quarreling is really authentic and ur prayer is really true; when ur impatience is real and ur heart is one burning flame. Then it happens, then the rains come.
Soul
Similar to Transformation. Yea, I have a love rship with God. I have scolded him and also scolded Sadhguru. But I also thank them by walking the path
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