Schizophrenia - creates confusion...my Three of Spades and Three of Clubs in Mars period

Oct 22 Aft

Father, I didn't think and contact Z for the equipment. He replied and suddenly a trail of exchanges. Then I become afraid cos I don't want to go back to the past.

I got my weekly Osho this morning and Internal influence is Courage and What to do is Go with the Flow and Resolution is Ripeness. I wonder what it could be. I tot it was work but I also find it not possible cos work is no longer my challenge.

Now I know the issue is Z. I still wasn't sure and I checked his 7thunder card and it was Ace of Diamond, which is me.

Fifth Letter
Bonding - Rejection to secure individuality
The face of Bonding drags, draws, attracts, demands, pulls, buys, grabs, clutches, clings to the people and possessions it craves. This Impulse creates an illusion of security in togetherness and possessions. It is the tool of Mother Consciousness inspiring the building of families, communities and nations. It can be productive of beauty, joy, harmony and love. It can also wreck lives and destroy communities when it is 'Ego' driven.

The face of Rejection repels, thrust aside, pushes away, evades everything - people, animals, possessions it does not want. Thus the Impulse of Rejection creates an illusion of privacy and security. It is the Impulse that urge rifts in families, relationships, communities and nations. It is supposedly geared to saving lives, ensuring protection and privacy but it is a destructive force when it is 'ego' driven.

The Bonding-Rejection Impulses directed/directs the behaviour towards survival of all entities in creation.

Soul
I tot z is on Bonding Impulse and me on Rejection Impulse. He works to expand and I work to contract.

Tots going in my head on Z but mostly on him rejecting me. Why? My auto is always on me being rejected. Perhaps I am also rejecting myself. RA...I wonder. Actually I feel safer when I am alone.

Fifth Letter
These Twin Impulses were the ephemeral source of all 'worldly" comfort, pleasure, 'happiness' - and also the source of all sickness, misery and deprivation in the world.

These Impulses of Bonding-Rejection in the individual personality also become highly creative in that they determine - and make visible the 'consciousness forms' of 'things desired' and 'things rejected'.

Soul
Me always on Rejection mode. That's why I don't have "Wants". I only have "Don't Wants".
Z only have "Wants". That is why he says he only wants wealth and no rships. Me I don't want a hidden rship. Aiyoh, why issue on Z is back. I tot its all wrap up. I tot the fact I can be cordial means its over.

Fifth Letter
Now I knew spiritually, intellectually, emotionally that it is so, I realised I could and must take steps to overcome the Twin Impulses of Ego previously governing my mind, in order to allow the Divine Reality full scope through my mind and brain.

Soul
A tot occur to me. No wonder Sadhguru stressed acceptance and to take out strong Likes and Dislikes that limit us.

Osho
1. Issue
Schizophrenia
The whole effort of Zen is how to drop this schizophrena, this split personality. U r a marketplace - many voices. If u want to say 'yes', immediately the 'no' is there. U cannot utter a simple word 'yes' with totality

The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately, to let go of both at once. U can't work ur way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons. Better to follow ur heart. If u can't find it, just jump.

Soul
Two things...one on Z and the other on getting back on track in my spiritual path


2. Internal influence
Courage
There was no danger for the seed, the seed could have survived for millennia, but for the sprout many are the dangers. But the sprout starts towards the unknown, towards the sun, towards the source of light, not knowing why or where.
The same is the path for man. It is arduous, much courage will be needed.

3. External influence
Creativity

4. What is needed?
Going with the Flow
Don't remain stagnant. Move towards the depth, always search for the lowest ground.

When this card appears, it is an indication that u r able to float now, trusting that life will support u in ur relaxation and take u exactly where it wants u to go. Allow the feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; everything is happening exactly as it should.

5. The Understanding
Ripeness
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death not be death to u but a door to divine.
This sharing of urself, this expression of ur creativity, can come in many ways, in ur work, ur rships, ur everyday experiences.