Relaxing swim..I am feeling safe

Sept 29

I had a great swim this morning. There were many people and I even had to turn back home to get my goggles. But I told myself I needed the water for 'release'. So, I got back to the pool.

I have now finally graduated to second lane after more than 10 years. I am no longer affected by the express swimmer who swam fast and hard and knocking everyone on their path. I just let him swim by and focus on my own strokes.

Today there are many people but I just swim comfortably and focused on the distance below me. Suddenly

Whenever I was resting, I suddenly found my legs doing a V cross, similar to breast stroke movement. Then I knew its time to practice water threading. I want to thread water. Once I done that, next step will be diving.

Father, had a night out with former school mates. I enjoyed their company. A year ago, I couldn't fit in and now I just blend. My judgement is gone.

I looked at them and each has emulate their personality. I remembered them as follows;
1. KM - very organised and like keep things tidy. She is now the office admin person
2. CC - hardworking and like to plan studies for exam. She said she is like that in her work. She was asked to slow down in work.
3. WL - likes drama and always someone seems to upset her. She now runs a household.
4. SL - studious, good gal. She is now an Accountant.
5. BH - physically active. She runs her family. She also now into boot camp.

They said they remember me as like to talk. Yea, I like to ask about them, what make them tick and etc.

Both BH and SL read my website and they said my stories are good. I m very expressive. To my surprise SL even suggested I write a novel instead. I told them I don't think I can as writing novel need a plot, planning and discipline.

Yea, I like to talk. I like to share. No wonder, writing is expressing myself.

Osho
The state of the sadhus when immersed in love is indescribable.
Their action cannot be talked about because they cannot be predicted. No one knows what they will do. They themselves don't know, whatever will be will be.
U will find that a new response arises every time. Then, there won't simply be reactions in ur life, there will be a sensitivity instead. U will not behave mechanically.

A sadhu's response cannot be predicted, because he has no buttons. And it will make no difference to him if u try to press his buttons or not. A sadhu is an awakened person. He has stopped living according to codes of conduct; he lives through simplicity, he lives through naturalness.

They cry while they sing and they laugh.
Sometimes he cries, sometimes he laugh, sometimes he does both things at same time. On the one hand he sees the world and cries and on the other hand he sees the divine and laughs. He stands in the middle, at the door. One the one side, he sees unfathomable sorrow and pain, people writhing like insects and he cries. On the other side, he sees the supreme gift of the divine, a showering of bliss, so he laughs. He laughs and he cries.

Soul
I do that. Laugh and then cry or cry and then laugh. I also don't know why. In the last encounter with Z, I was really sad when he said he hasn't change since day one. I m not sure but I suddenly sees the hopelessness of the situation and me wrongly projecting what I want on him and to my surprise, suddenly I start to laugh. Z too was surprised with my laughter.

Osho
Sometimes ur behaviour perplexes u. If u r crying and u suddenly feel like laughing, u will control urself. Otherwise u fear that people will say u r mad.

Soul
I am like that. It all started during shambavi initiation. I was crying and suddenly I wanted to laugh. I told myself its crazy and I try to control but in the end I burst out laughing. I guess my inner door burst thru.

It has been nearly 4 years and these days, laughter just erupt without anything. And at times it erupt even when I am sad and crying. Sometimes laughter erupted when I want to sleep and when I step into my shower..

Osho
A sadhu does not divide; he lives in non-duality. Opposites are not yet opposite to him. All things are still one for him in some way. A sage becomes one again, he becomes like a small child again. A sadhu doesn't mean a seeker, or a disciplinarian. A sadhu means; one has become a child again, innocent again.

Soul
Whenever I enter into my inner door, laughter just erupt. According to Gi, I sounded like a child, my laughter and giggle sounded like a child.

Osho
When ur body and heart begin to dance, when ur body and heart are united in one celebration ... And remember Daya says: His body is ecstatic with delight ..when ur soul dances, ur mind also dances and when ur mind dances, ur body dances too. Ur totality will dance, every part of u will dance. When the divine comes, not just the soul receives its wealth, but ur mind, ur state of consciousness will also expand without limit.

Soul
That's true. Whenever I am in samyama mode, I noticed that my tots are on 'songs'. I am singing in my mind and then it come out of my mouth as a song.
I used to dance but now dancing has stop except in the pool. Yea, now I recalled I started with humming and dancing and now I progressed into singing.

Outside meditation, I don't sing at all, music is seldom in my life, except when I am driving.

Osho
The characteristic of a religious person is the stream of love which flows from him. The more ur love, ur affection increases, the more u begin to give love unconditionally - loving those who need it and those who don't.
Existence is a dancer, a singer, a lover! And the same will happen to u when religion grows in ur life.

Soul
Not sure about the loving part yet.