New beginning - 3 days job

Oct 1
Woke up before alarm rang at 4.20 am. Body has slept well. Very little tots of resistance. I did 12 cycle of suria but the subtle body not so good. But still after 3 cycles, my movement start to change. I am glad I am back. Finally doing my hata yoga and my body loves it.

Father, a new beginning. As I was driving, I was laughing throughout. Father, I am happy and so are the trees and grasses.

Still had some tots on P. I think it was the past hurt that was still brewing. I also realised when things doesn't go my way especially with friends, I tend think they will betray me.

Had some tots of Z after I showered. A tot came that he will tell the judge that his wife, me is working on 3 days week and can look after the children. I also realised he planned his 2 weeks trip without missing his children visit this Sunday.

I decided what I want. I finally got what I want. I am glad I read my 7 years destiny card. It gives me clarity. I will focus on my website and I like to give talks. My old classmates said they remember me like to talk. Yea, I used to be punished for talking too much. I recalled I like to talk about tv program, like to analyse the characters. Even the composition I did was sharing a story and end with an Insight.

Osho
Perfectionism is the root cause of all neurosis. Nobody can be perfect - nobody need be perfect; life is beautiful because everything is imperfect.
Perfection is death; imperfection is life. It is because of imperfection that growth is possible.
God is infinitely imperfect; he will never become perfect. The moment he become perfect the whole existence will disappear into non-existence.

Soul
So liberating, God too is not perfect.

Osho
Because of this idea of a perfect God, we have all been trying for centuries to be perfect, and there are 2 outcomes of it.

One is: if u r simple, innocent, u will start trying to be perfect and u will go neurotic. And u can never become perfect, hence u will carry a mountainous burden of guilt. It will crush u, it will destroy all joy in life, it will poison u. It won't allow u to celebrate, to sing, to dance. It is suicidal.

Or if u r not innocent and simple, if u r cunning and clever, then u will become a hypocrite. U will talk about perfection; that will be just a facade, a mask and hidden behind the mask, u will go on being whatsoever u r.

Both are ugly phenomena. Going crazy, becoming neurotic, guilt-ridden is ugly; becoming hypocrite is ugly. But ur so called religions leave u no other alternatives: they all talk about saying yes, but they all teach u saying no.

Soul
Exactly, many years ago, about 12 years ago, I suddenly have the same insight and I shared with An. I told him that all our religion only teach us not to be bad; it doesn't teach us to be good. It is teaching "No" and not teaching "Yes".

Osho
Question; "Why can't I say yes to myself?"
Answer ; because u have been told u r all wrong, u r nothing but a sinner. Everything u do is wrong, everything u think is wrong, everything that u r is wrong - how can u say yes to urself?
U have been given ideas, great ideals, shoulds: "You should be like this, like that ..."
And u go on comparing urself with those stupid ideals. Of course, u fall very short, and when u fall very short, u start feeling a deep no to urself u want to destroy urself; u cannot love urself.

Soul
I am glad I grow up without religion. But I do have parents and my mom is a great act to follow and my dad was not to be followed. Frankly I don't have a rship with my dad.

Osho
U have been told to love others, but u have never been told to love urself. And u can love others only if u have loved urself in the first place: if u don't love urself, u cannot love anybody else in the world.

Loving urself, u learn the art of love. And if u can love urself with all ur imperfections u will be able to love other human beings with all their imperfections. If u cannot love urself with ur imperfections, how r u going to love others with their imperfections? U will hate them!


Soul
Very true. I am learning.
Like I find it difficult to forgive P. Part of me recalled she is a Nine of Spades Ruling and hence she is fixated and has maximum to unload. So, don't take it personally.


Oct 1 Eve
Father, today I finally tot to include A in my website. I also then tot of his wife who is in digital. She is so nice, she is willing to help me to select the right web designer. Amen.

I danced while I was driving. Suddenly my body is moving to the song from radio. Happiness is flowing back.