Manipulation can be in disguised form

Apr 15 mor 1

An insight occur to me on volunteering in local Isha.
Let me give because I want to not because I have to.

Father, this relates to Seven of Hearts.

Volunteering is about willingness. It is about wanting to. I have never experienced that and hence I am resentful of others who can have choices to do or not and yet be accepted 

I didn't give myself choice out of fear of losing validation. That's why I m envious of those who are not contributing as much and yet seems to have validation. This is just like me in the corporate world. I have to open my mouth to talk instead of just being accepted by my presence.

So it was my choice. I trade in unwilling work to obtain validation. It is a form of manipulation.

Just as I waited for Z. Kept quiet and etc and I tot he would reciprocate me for loyalty. I tot he have to give me. And when he doesn't I exploded. I felt betrayed.

Father, this is indirect manipulation.