North Node in Aquarius (11th house) - need to risk disapproval

Apr 30 aft

So glad P and I have a good chat. We have come a long way. Like she said, me being in and out due to bonding is not good for the volunteering team. She said if I want to come to come back, I will have to convince them. My ego saw that but I ignored. Don't think I be back.
My answer was true...I don't want anything to happen.

Was checking my blog and saw this.
North node in 11th house and Aquarius
The Achilles heel Aquarius north node people need to be aware of their need for others approval ("My survival depends on others giving me approval") and thinking that if they have others' approval their life is on the right track. But it is a bottomless pit: they can never get enough approval to feel satisfied or to feel free to be themselves. Actually, for them the approval of others is a false barometer. They must risk disapproval and be true to their own unorthodox ideas in order to develop the deeper and more satisfying feeling of self-approval.

Soul
It is true.
I am different..
I get high with lovely dessert....and looking at food.
I drool over them...
I get high with consecrated energy space.
I get high when I am in sadhana.
Amen

Today's card, very true.
My Daily Card in Mars
The Queen of Spades
The Queen of Spades is known as the card of 'self-mastery', the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the 'Spiritual Spread'. Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
The Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organizational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.

Soul
Just being me instead of following society's norm.
Thats self mastery.

Eclipses in April
What cycles keep repeating and repeating themselves?  They may not be comfortable to look at, or to have to deal with…….but the Universe believes that you are ready to face it and to make some changes.  This is a time to release and to manifest and intend!

Soul
So true..same as my this week Osho tarot card.

Whats needed for resolution?
Change
"Life repeats itself mindlessly – unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
If you can watch just for a few days, you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern. One day, one fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy, and another day you are so dull, so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide. And just the other day you were so full of life, so blissful that you were feeling thankful to existence that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness, and today there is great complaint and you don't see the point, why one should go on living. And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern. Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it." Osho

Soul
I finally see the pattern. Just live sensibly and realised what is my true values.

Resolution
Inner Voice
"If you have found your truth within yourself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you. When you open your eyes, it is truth opening its eyes. When you close your eyes, it is truth who is closing its eyes. This is a tremendous meditation. If you can simply understand the device, you don't have to do anything; whatever you are doing is being done by truth.

Then you live as truth – alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself. Your whole life becomes a prayer without any words, or better to say a prayerfulness, a grace, a beauty which does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world." Osho