Addicted to approval

Apr 26 aft

Soul
Suddenly I tot of Y. He can't break from his family, his validation. Then the same I was with local Isha. Well, I m going to do so.
Will just keep to being guide and shared with S. I can understand that both of us with our deepened practices makes the position of guide better.
Just remember Sadhguru's video on adultery, about living sensibly. Don't cause suffering to myself just because I want to keep the validation.


From Facebook.
Tiny buddha
Addicted to Approval: Reclaim Your Self-Esteem
By Katherine Reseburg
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
The past few years have been full of hard but necessary lessons I needed to learn about my relationships with others—their limits, boundaries, what healthy relationships are and are not.
I realized that the foundation for some of my relationships (the unhealthy ones) was my need for attention and approval. This, of course, was futile because we can only truly feel good about ourselves despite outside opinions. Because I felt inadequate and overly self-critical due to a past full of put-downs and personal failures (real or perceived), I needed “proof” that I mattered and was worthy in the eyes of people who represented the very individuals from my past who had shamed me, abused me, ignored me, and devalued me.
It was selfish that I had held onto them for an (artificial) ego boost and out of a sense of duty, because a relationship had been established; that was unfair to them and unhealthy for me. I needed to be selfish in another way: focus inward and provide myself with that ego-boosting energy.
In approval-addiction friendships, both people seek validation and attention from each other instead of truly being there for one another, unselfishly. That’s a no-win situation.
I am now on a journey toward self-love and acceptance from within. I have developed four “mantras” I repeat to myself when I find myself drifting back into old relationship patterns, clinging to other people and things to gain feelings of self-worth.

Self-Love Mantras
1. No one else can prove your self-worth.
True friends can help boost it, but only temporarily. Authentic, lasting personal validation exists when you value and approve of you.

2. You are who you are, and that’s good enough.
You will have moments, even phases when you’ll doubt this, and that’s okay. Just remember: bad things are going to happen. Some people aren’t going to like you. But these are not a negative reflection of the awesome person you are.

3. Your friendship, time, and thoughtfulness are precious.
Invest these wisely and with integrity. You deserve it, as do your loved ones.

4. Be proud of yourself and all you do.
Depending on others to confirm that you’re worthwhile is a recipe for disappointment. No one will approve of everything you do. You don’t either, right? You have more than enough to be proud of and that pride should come from within and be unshakeable at its core.

Soul
So timely.