Angarmadharna is awesome

Apr 14
Woke up fresh at 3.30 am. Body well rested. Yesterday after the news of Y getting married. I was just stumped. Nothing else to do except to sleep it off. Good thing he informed me during Sathsang especially with the purification meditation. As G said it was nice of him to inform me after Sathsang. I noticed he sent the message just after sathsang starts. He cares.

Tot of him for a bit and remind myself move on. Just need to remember Nine of Diamonds and Nine of Spades.

This morning, did the right angarmadhana. It was not as strenuous as mine as I did extra hand posture for all standing asanas. The missing and wrong squatting ones will need more practice cos first time. Did the squat rests that helps to slow down breathing.
Sitting improved since the sequence now corrected. Sitting like baby brings loads of joy, laughing loads. A nice break.
Lying down asanas also improved as now head need not be turned another side. On the cycling I was able to put my other hand down to the floor.
The finale 5 minutes after Kundalini was awesome. Something in me wanting to come out. Body and mouth stretches. Truly something here. Again I saw the black pillar between eyes.
After the amazing five minutes I did Surya Kriya and it was my best ever. Breathing was good too but I cut short cos not much time. Decided to put another 5 minutes to cover the timing in Angarmadhana finale.
Shakti was okay as much air coming out from mouth and bottom. Tots of Y comes in but no too much. Towards the end I was laughing. Shambavi was good. Towards the end just contentment. Wish I could sit longer.

On Y, glad its closed so soon. Now I can work on my own vision of my husband. No cross vision or wondering whether he could be. The truth is he can't. Besides our age difference is too much and he is not at my level; so we can't be mutual. It would be me who need to support him in his endeavour. So my vision is someone like him but older by 10 years to ensure we are mutual ground.

Yesterday K asked me to call. The old mind said let's explore. Now I just said no need cos I m not attracted to him at all. No more seeking out in wrong places. Better be alone than to be wrong one.

I m going with the Flow. If I meant to be alone for me. Just be alone.
I trust that everything happening exactly as it should.