No more Goodbye

Apr 24

Woke up before alarm at 6.45 am. A tot came on local Isha. Yes, I can see where I can contribute but I m not keen to do. Taking it up be going back to the past. I want to move forward and look at my writing, savouring myself.

Cried so much during Shakti, at Kapala Bhakti. Its like my initiation day.
Towards the end singing out loud. As usual first song was "though we got to say goodbye for the summer. Darling, I promised you this I send u all my love everyday in a letter".
Something in me said louder; "no more goodbye". Immediately song stopped. Sang a few round.
During Shambavi finale, again the Goodbye song tune starts to sound in my mind but I said nope, no more goodbye. So sang in other tune instead.
At the end I said I deserves a loving and loyal partner. No more goodbye.
Then a tot came I deserved a loving and loyal partner cos I m a loving and loyal partner.
I can be said to be stupid to hold on to Z and Y when there is no reason to hold on. Yes, holding on due to fear. But the other side is me being loyal irrespective of the circumstances. Amen.
No more goodbye.

Today very little tots of Z and Y. When the tots came in, I didn't hook up with it. Also I realised that's my poverty consciousness on romantic relationship. No more.
I feel a lightness.

Father, as I was updating my blog on learned fearlessnes with Z.
I realised that I am fearless in work environment as I believed everything will be good.
Even when I lost one third of my staff and yet I am confident things will be fine.
Within 1 week I reshuffle the resources and within 2 weeks I got the replacement headcount and in 3 weeks I got the reshuffling of roles among my new team.
So the same fearlessness I will bring to my personal and romantic relationships.
No more goodbye...or rather no more fear of goodbyes...
Just be my total self...no longer have to fear on being rejected.
The fear of being rejected was because I am truly loyal.
Friends really have to be pretty mean for me to let go..because of my 1st karma of Two of Diamonds.
Father, this week breakthrough..
Amen. Love you.