Handling invalidation by others

Jan 20 aft 1

Got this from the net
Know how not to respond when you're invalidated by someone.Invalidation tends to trip some switch in our souls that lead us to reach into our bag of nastiness.
Have you ever blamed, cursed, cried, shouted, or did something that you understood would create pain for the person who has invalidated you?
Equally nasty is avoidance—which causes us to erect barriers to others loving us and withhold our love for them. Avoidance occurs when we choose to freeze, run away, or build a wall to keep us isolated and safe. Avoidance can be a silent, slow suicide or homicide, chopping years off of longevity in both the avoided and avoider.
Rage and avoidance are avoidance behaviors that can keep conflicts alive for generations. Who of us has not developed ways of defending ourselves from the potential negative reactions in the process of coming together as humans? Being hurt and giving hurt becomes a circular process forcing us to rotate between the role of victim and victimizer.

Relieve the suffering.The most effective method for dealing with invalidation is acceptance. Accept that someone has acted in this way toward you and then, move on:
"Acceptance": George Hegel proposed that mankind learns effective solutions by bouncing off seemingly impossible contradictions (a paraphrase of his “thesis-antithesis-synthesis” idea). Generations of human beings have bounced off the dilemma of giving and getting hurt in the process of desiring to be loved and have come up with a solution that is surprisingly similar: Acceptance can put an end to interpersonal suffering.
"Accept and move on": In our generation, the solution has come from pioneer psychologists, starting with Marsha Linehan’s (1993) recognition that Hegel’s observations could be used as an intervention to help patients with serious mental illness. She recognized that these patients had excessive experiences as recipients of invalidation. She recognized that the initial response to invalidation is to resist and push against the invalidating event. She labeled the natural push back “willfulness”. She taught her patients, that instead of pushing back, they should accept the invalidation “willingly” and move on with life.
"Radical acceptance": A decade later, Tara Brach (2004) popularized the term “radical acceptance” to describe the cure for emotional suffering. She noted that that the power of radical acceptance has been understood for more than millennia, and in fact, was practiced by the Buddha. The first truth of Buddhism is accepting suffering, as it is inevitable.

Soul
Accept and move on.
Its been 2 days since the invalidation.
I didn't even check his whatsapp profile.
Suddenly tot of The Mirror

Outer manifestation - The Blessing
Transformation
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow, or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity." It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night, he became enlightened. Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And, like death, it takes you from one dimension into another.

Soul
Acceptance of invalidation.
The old me would have been wilful and resist this.
Just like I did when I insisted on proper closure with Z.
And when he didn't respond I just hold on and wait for him..which is time and energy wasted.

Suddenly tot I checked out what is invalidation.

In his article 'Invalidation may be the most damaging form of emotional abuse,' Steve Hein describes invalidation as follows...
Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, control or diminish someone's feelings. It is an attempt to control how they feel and for how long they feel it. Constant invalidation may be one of the most significant reasons a person with high innate emotional intelligence suffers from unmet emotional needs later in life. A sensitive child who is repeatedly invalidated becomes confused and begins to distrust his own emotions. He fails to develop confidence in and healthy use of his emotions. The working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted. The emotional processes that worked as a defense for him when a child will probably work against him as an adult.


The solution that we seek in our lives, in our work and in our world does not lie outside us but within us. We each have the power to move past invalidation by igniting the power of our heart to touch our mind and infuse our life and the lives of others with validation and joy.