Osho - only through feeling you will be dissolved

Jan 22
Woke up with feeling of bleakness. Nothing to look forward to.
After reading my Saturn, future look bleak on relationship. But I must have faith. Now in know what is faith. Tot of Z and his faith.  
He wasn't right for me. But I can learn from him.

Just had a lovely scrambled egg and jam toast. Changed coffee to tea instead.

Today practices were good albeit shorter time in breathing but make up for it in the end. Shakti is good. Shambavi great too. Towards the end just contented silence.
Had a tot of my ideal partner; a composition of all three;
1. Body - Z
2. Emotion - Pa
3. Mind - Y

My valise getting clearer. Don't want to lower it so to get partner. Took me so long to finally find my values and I will stay put.

Life love and laughter
Feel more, rather than thinking. Through feeling, ur prayer will arise... and through feeling, u will be dissolved one day. And when u are dissolved, God is.

Love has two faces. It is Janus-like: one face looks towards the earth, the other look towards the sky. It is the greatest synthesis conceivable: it comes out of lust and move towards prayer; it comes out of mud and become a lotus facing the sun. 
When u fall in love; it is not that u do something - u are pulled in. It has a magnetic force and u gravitate towards the object of ur love almost helplessly, even against ur will.
Who want to fall? - but who can avoid it? 
Something bigger than u is pulling u, something greater than u is invoking u. The challenge is such that one simply runs into it headlong.

Soul
This describe me falling in love with Sadhguru.

Life love and laughter
Love is an energy field. Love is a transforming force.
Life is given to u; u are alive. Light is present but u have to make a bridge between life and light. The bridge is love.

A man who becomes too head- oriented goes farther away from the heart, and the heart is the center that responds to the call of love. His sap of life is no more flowing. He's unconnected.
The misfortune man feels too alienated, feels he has been thrown into it, and it is a curse rather than a blessing.
This happen because too much training of the head has cut all the roots from the heart. They bypass the heart; they go directly to the head. Even feeling is via thinking.

Soul
Mmm. Instead of saying this is Y. Maybe this is me as my feeling is thinking except when during meditation.

Life love and laughter
Love is when God has found u. Love is when u are allowing God to find u. Hence u cannot manage love. Logic is controlled; love is uncontrolled.
Logic gives u a feeling that you are somebody. Love gives a feeling that u are nobody.

Love is risky. To love is to move into danger - because u cannoy control it, it is not safe. It is not within ur hands. It is unpredictable; where it will lead nobody knows.
One is moving into utter darkness but roots grow only in darkness. If the root of trees become afraid of darkness and don't move underground, the tree will die. They have to move  into darkness. They have to find their way towards the deepest layers of earth where they can find sources of water, nourishment.

Soul
Alas can see the Courage card.

Life love and laughter
So people are afraid to move into darkness; they would like to remain in the light. At least u can see where u are and what is going to happen.
When u move in love, u cannot calculate the results. U cannot be result orientated. For love, future does not exist, only the present exist. You can be in this moment but u cannot think of anything about the next moment. No planning is possible in love.