Being sensible means letting go of local Isha

Jul 1

I stayed because of Isha family. I stayed out of responsibility. I stayed out of fear of losing validation.
I stayed not for my fulfilment. I stayed out of fear rather than joy
I have overstayed.and I be bad for the team.
Time to let go. Time to be sensible.

Wake up jumping out of bed at 5 am. Did Bhuta Shuddhi and followed by Guru Pooja. Not as comfortable as niece sleeping in my room.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by Shavasana and Breathe watching.
Shakti was not okay as I was trying to see my sound. I was mainly breathing out through the nose. Finally after practices I began to differentiate. As Swami said first thing is to realised that noise is different between from nose or throat. I can now see the difference. Teacher was not helpful as she unable to see. Infact pointed it to my diet.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end contentment. Finished by 7.28 am.
Doing Suka kriya correctly but was difficult as elbow is painful. Mmm I didn't block the nostril before I open up the other nostril.

Anyway, further confirm that I m not the right one for guide as I am not detailed. Everything is flowing at the right time.

2. Internal influence that u are unaware.
Participation
We are behaving almost like blind people. In such a beautiful world, we are living in small ponds of misery. It is familiar, so even if somebody wants to pull u out, u struggle. U don't want to be pull out of ur misery, of ur suffering. Otherwise there is so much joy all around, u just have to be aware of it and to become a participant, not a spectator. Make participation ur lifestyle and the whole universe becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. U could not have dreamed of a better universe.


Soul
Alas it's time for me to realise that Universe is helping me. I need not resist the ending. I just need to let go. Everything is perfect for my exit especially with new Sathsang format.
Also if I stay I feel I will cloud others negatively due to my resentment, due to me writing down other's value of volunteering instead of embarking on mi value of sadhana and shrine.
I tried to stay but I can't.

Father, alas I truly understand this card. This is about going with the flow. Active participation.
All of us have different values with different contribution.

4. What's needed for resolution?
Courage
When we are faced with a difficult situation, we have a choice we can either be resentful and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardship or we can face the challenge and grow.
The challenges are there and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them.
Be courageous enough to be the flower that u r meant to be.

Soul
When I draw the card years yesterday I didn't realise my stint as Sathsang guide ends now. I tot I will be around for next couple of month easing others in.
This final let go, my little finger holding on; fear of losing total validation.
Alas I must faced it. I must be sensible.
Just as I face the letting go when P asked me to let go, the same thing now.
Truly a year of Nine of Spades.

Resolution
Sorrow
Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain and experience it as it is, without blame and self pity.

Soul
Amen.