Finally at rest after a nearly two years of turmoil with Z and Y

Jun 27 mor

Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
The work of the intellect is to attach tots, to label everything, to give words, name and form to everything.
Equanimity means there is no reaction at all within u, whether one abuses u or one respects u - a total absence of reaction within. Simply nothing stirs u. The abuse remain outside and the respect remain outside; nothing at all enters within.
When will this happens? This will happens only when there is a witness inside.
When someone abuses us there is a reaction. On hearing abuse we immediately feel that 'I have been abused', and the suffering begins.
When somebody respects us we feel happy because it feels that 'I am respected'. It means that whatsoever is done to you, u become identified with it. It is because of this that suffering and pleasure are created, disharmony is created and balance is lost.

Soul
There is no verbal abuse, just feel not recognised, not valued, feel small...then I become defensive and do mental attack, later followed up by self pity...

Suddenly I tot of Z...the unfinished business.
Y is already settled.

My 52-Day Period Card
The Six of Spades

The Six of Spades is the strongest of the karma cards. When this card is present, you can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However, if you have had bad or negative habits in these areas or if your lifestyle has included any activities which have intentionally or inadvertently hurt others, you may have to settle your accounts when this powerful card appears. Whatever happens when this card appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in your path.

The Six of Spades will cause a settling of all affairs and at the same time bring some much needed peace into your life. If, during that time, you take some time to tune in to your deepest thoughts and feelings, you may become aware of a special message for you that comes from inside. This message may lead you to perform a special mission in your life, one that uplifts others in some important way. The Six of Spades is the card of FATE.


Today card
My Daily Card
The Eight of Hearts

The Eight of Hearts is a card of considerable emotional power, charm and personal magnetism. This power could be used to bring you success in any activities that deal with groups of people such as acting or sales work. It is also an indicator of having healing energy, a 'spiritual force' gathering in you, a force you can use to better your life in many ways. When this card is present, this power is available to use at your discretion.

The Eight of Hearts will give you the power to get your way with people, both personally and professionally. It can bring you more social fun, better intimate relationships or more success in your business.

Soul
I am ending my year and I want Z to end as well.
Might as well take this IE opportunity to move forward.

I checked into my Relationship card with Z on Osho Tarot

1. You and your contribution
Rebirth
When we realize we've been missing life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth. But this is not the end. Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being. Whatever the space you're in right now--sleepy and depressed, or roaring and rebellious--be aware that it will evolve into something new if you allow it. It is a time of growth and change.

2. His input - Z
Integration
This is a time of communication between the previously experienced dualities of life. Rather than night opposing day, dark suppressing light, they work together to create a unified whole, turning endlessly one into the other, each containing in its deepest core the seed of the opposite. 

The eagle and the swan are both beings of flight and majesty. The eagle is the embodiment of power and aloneness. The swan is the embodiment of space and purity, gently floating and diving, upon and within the element of the emotions, entirely content and complete within her perfection and beauty. 

We are the union of eagle and swan: male and female, fire and water, life and death. The card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life, and mystical union; otherwise known as alchemy.

3. Composite Energy
New Vision
When you open up to the ultimate, immediately it pours into you. You are no longer an ordinary human being - you have transcended. Your insight has become the insight of the whole existence. Now you are no longer separate - you have found your roots.
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded. The geometric shapes around the body of the figure show the many dimensions of life simultaneously available to him. The square represents the physical, the manifest, the known. The circle represents the unmanifest, the spirit, pure space. And the triangle symbolizes the threefold nature of the universe: manifest, unmanifest, and the human being who contains both. 

Now you are presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated

4. The Insight
Awareness
Mind can never be intelligent - only no-mind is intelligent. Only no-mind is original and radical. Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action. 

This mind gives you a sort of stupor. Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of the future, you go on living - at the minimum. You don't live at the maximum. Your flame remains very dim. 

Once you start dropping thoughts, the dust that you have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Your whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is.

The veil of illusion, or maya, that has been keeping you from perceiving reality as it is, is starting to burn away. The fire is not the heated fire of passion, but the cool flame of awareness. As it burns the veil, the face of a very delicate and childlike buddha becomes visible. 

The awareness that is growing in you now is not the result of any conscious "doing", nor do you need to struggle to make something happen. Any sense you might have had that you've been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon. Let yourself settle, and remember that deep inside you are just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged. 

A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help you to become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil from your eyes.

Soul
I knew then I need to open the door again. I don't want to have any unfinished 'business' in my new year.
I want settlement in everything.
Now that I have found my HOME. I am no longer fearful..I can just be..no longer what is next.

Messaged Z and he responded..so we are okay...not friends but acquaintance...we move forward.


When I go Kailash, there is no more request..just me coming Home.
Mmm..I recalled a year ago when I made the decision to Kailash, I saw the tall hill near my housing area and suddenly I cried and I said I want to go home..and home is in Kailash.
Alas..everything is falling in place.

Both Z and Y is over and settled..and I am finally at home..