North Node in Taurus - claiming their own power when they realised their own values

Jun 2
Woke up before alarm with this tot in my mind. What if I m meant to be alone. What if I need not try so hard. I m fine on my own. Sitting and watching my breathe gave me such contentment. All those couples married or unmarried that I saw goes through their own issues. Perhaps that's why I m given such receptivity.


Tot of the 11th house, area where I can work at.
- Friendship and Going with the flows

I think my down mood brought in by news of A's wife finally delivered after a few years. Saw an ex course mate, she married the senior guy from college. She was average looking and yet can snare the handsome guy. I saw them with their child. When I saw them I was not envious I just know that married life with children is not for me.
(A adopted the child)

Guess I feeling bit sorry for myself, feeling envious of others.

Did Bhoota Shuddi and sang guru pooja. Angarmadhana was good but right knee was bit painful. Couldn't do the squatting properly. Others was fine.
Breathing was good. Shakti and Shambavi was okay. Towards the end sat in contentment. Today practices mostly sat automatically in arashidharna posture.

Sadhguru
To create an outside situation, you need the cooperation of other people and forces. To create an inner situation, u only need yourself.

Soul
Amen.
To have my right partner needs also cooperation from him. I be 47 in one month time. Got to be realistic that I may not be hooked up.
But I truly wish I be with the right person.
Father, where am I heading.

North node in Taurus
They are not allowed to rely on others for success in this lifetime because they need to learn to rely on themselves. Thus, when they count on another's person energy to create what they want and it doesn't turn out according to their high expectations, its one more reminder from the Universe that they are not allowed to rely on others for their sense of self-worth.
When they look to others to acknowledge that they have power, they won't feel like they have any. When they realise that their power is within, they have a lot. Part of claiming their power involves understanding their own value. They don't have to work to become something valuable; their value is inherent - who they are is a gift they bring to the planet. Their own sense of self-worth is the one thing they can hang on to amid the constant shifting of public opinion. When these folks let others determine their self-worth, they are on a roller coaster.

Soul
Mmm, Ruling Ace of Diamonds whereas Destiny is Queen of Diamonds. Me always looking at creating or making myself valuable. Seeking validation to provide me the values I need. Having poverty consciousness on my own valuation. The truth is is I m a Queen of Diamonds.

North node in Taurus
In this incarnation, the most important goal is to pledge themselves to their own values and build a sense of self-worth. They win when they discover what is truly important and previous to them; their own values. Self-worth will come as a by-product of living according to those values.
The idea is to consciously discover what is important to them; what values gives them a sense of being grounded, confident and able to face the world without anxiety.

Soul
That's why I m now looking at Sannidhi. A year ago in Chennai I saw the sannidhi and was so envious of having one. I tot I couldn't have cos against my family tradition and my own resistance. But now after nearly 7 months with the Shrine I know I truly want one. No longer want to wait for my husband to provide. I can provide myself.

What I can have is a union with myself. I m already near myself. Just need to put myself in consecrated space.
This weekend with family, while it was enjoyable I don't feel fulfilled. I just can't wait to go back to my practices and self time. I also feel lethargic, with less energy.