Revisit of karmic past

Jun 30 aft
Finally lighted Linga's lamp in the office.
A sense of calmness enveloped me. I felt love from her.
Tears came.
Feel love and gratitude.
Especially today when I m facing my karma on partner.
Just added in oil. While I m in office, will keep it lit.
Truly glad.
Father, these days just want to be in the space.

Today I looked at myself. I looked great and can see why others said I look like I m in my twenties instead of my actual age of forties. I always looked young by ten years but twenty years is first time.

The cards I draw today very apt.

1. The Issue
Past lives.
The real point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives and their roots in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behavior. This is a wake up call; the events in ur life are trying to show u a pattern as ancient as the journey of ur own soul.

Soul
Yes, the envious feeling over others in committed romantic relationships is my issue.
With the seeing of J who found and got engaged in matters of hours. Of the other new couple and also looking at Y. His wife is really warm. I m happy for him.
No wonder today having tots of Z.
This morning wanted to msg Y and shared about his wife fear of him. But I did not. They are newly married and faced their issues themselves. Besides I m no longer in the picture. Time up distance myself.

2. Internal influence
Participation.
We are behaving like blind people. In such a beautiful world we are living in small ponds of our own misery.
Make participation ur life style and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. U could not have dreamed of a better universe.
U have an opportunity to participate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beautiful than each of u could manage alone. Ur participation will not only nourish u but will also contribute something precious to the whole.

Soul
Not sure.
But now I m just opening up and showing my values.
Like Sadhguru said it be a crime if we found our values and yet not living them.
My shrine is my home.
And of course Sadhguru is what I valued. I will continue to promote his tools.

3. External influences that u are aware.
Consciousness
He is so expansive he has gone beyond the stars and above his head is pure emptiness. He represents the consciousness that is available to all those who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be.
When u choose this card, it means that there is crystal clarity available right now, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of ur being. There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding that u have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself.
Accept this great gift, and share it.

Soul
Amen

4. What's needed for resolution?
Courage
Long is the journey and it is always safer not to go on that journey because unknown is the path, nothing is guaranteed.
When we are faced with a very difficult situation we have a choice; we can either be resentful and try to find someone to blame for the hardships or we can face the challenge and grow.
The flower shows us the way, as its passion for life leads it out of the darkness and into the light.
There is no point.


Soul
Yes. I m afraid. I don't want to go through another rship. The break up with Z took so long to recover. The short rship with Y also evaporated.
I m now where I want to be. I found my home in my shrine and with Sadhguru.
Once I got my Sannidhi, I am HOME.
I don't want to go on another rship. The one with Y didn't flower and evaporated in early Jan and it took me about 3 months to recover and now facing him and wife.
Kailash is my once in a life time trip. I don't want the risk of disappointment. I no longer have the confidence.
Guess what I wanted is avoidance.
Perhaps the envious feeling over the new couples and also my physical needs made me to be aware that I can't avoid; that I truly still want.
So I focus on the abundance of love and money for me.
Now need FAITH.

5. Resolution
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad, remember. That's where people go on missing ...,. This pain is just to make u more alert -- because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wounds them. The arrow is to make u more aware. And when u are aware, misery disappears.
Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self pity.


Soul
Amen.
True it was painful but I grown up. And I won't change my place with anyone. To be now where I am is priceless. I m willing to pay the price of sorrow.
Both Z and Y are not the right match for me.
And neither was I my true self when I met them.
Now alas I am my true authentic self. I think I m ready. If I m not, I will faced who I need to face.