Learnings from Inner Engineering

Jun 27

Learnings from Inner Engineering

1. Play to win and yet willing to lose.
Tot of my play with Y. I did play all out and I lost. But it is fine. With Z, I didn't play cos I tot it is losing game.
So now m fine with meeting Y and wife.
Also there is a change in our relationship now. He is now someone's husband. And I have to admit now that we no longer interact the mental attraction has subside and even more so no more physical attraction. Without the mental attraction, physically he is no longer that attractive to me. Meeting the Samyama guy in ashram made me aware that physical attraction can be elsewhere.
So, the matter with Y is now settled. I now see him as someone's husband. The past is gone.

2. Responsibly.
Responsibility is love. When we are responsible, we respond and when we respond, we show our love and care. Responsibility is for us and not the other person. Responsibility keeps us alive.
What we can do is limited but what we can be responsibly is unlimited.
It takes more energy to not respond than to respond.
Since we are breathing we are responsible for the air that we breathe.
Since we are living in this city, we are responsible for the city.
Since we are living in this earth we are responsible for the earth too.

Soul
First tot was on volunteering. But I waived it off. I know I will do what's needed if there is no one. But if there is someone else, I gladly give way.  Just as yesterday handout of paper and pen. Firstly in all my 6 years I have never done that.

Anyway, my case is too much responsibility that it become burdensome. For now just want to relieve all my roles. Just be normal meditator and willingly offer myself without any obligation. I want to go back to true essence of volunteering.

Second tot is that whatever we care for we are responsible. Just as I decided earlier that if no one take up I will be the main guide. I have been the guide for 3 years. Just as I decided last week that I will be the back up if no one. But alas now no need. This means my lesson is over.
Two years ago I came back in late 2013 as two core teams were tired. I remembered my resentment but I know that once and for all. Looks like I truly did learned my lesson and this time I exit amicably before break up.

Nine of Spades this year.

Truly losing my profile in Local Isha. Just when I tot I can continue due to responsibility it was lifted. Amen.
I may have little regrets losing the high profile image but to be able to sit and enjoy Sathsang is amazing.

Just now as I was driving to work, a contentment settle into me. Had tots of Kailash, just one month to go. I have no expectation; this is just a program to me. Something that I had so much resistance and once decided its done deal. I didn't even have any tots of it.

As for what's next; it no longer matter. I found my HOME. I am HOME already.
Now just need to expand my room and bring in Sadhguru's sannidhi. Amen.