Seeking unnecessary validation

May 30
Slept around 12 am yesterday after spending 20 min with the Shrine. Just sitting there feeling the energy dissolve the tension away. My left shoulder was quite stiff.
True enough this morning it was in pain and I couldn't do proper Surya kriya.
Body woke up fresh around 4.30 am and I slept back and woke up upon alarm at 5.35 am.

Sister and family in my room. Glad they leave an empty space near the shrine.
Light up the candle and light. Thankful for the Shrine.

Found my old corner to do practices. Did Bhuta Shuddi and sang guru pooja. Followed by Surya Kriya, short Shavasana and breathing. End with Shambavi. It was good. So thankful for the tools.

This morning and yesterday evening a tot flows that L was complimented for her presence despite not talking much. Whereas I was not. My ego was dented. Guess its another validation issue. I m not affected but that's my old self.

I also found out she does only 2 hours sadhana whereas I m doing 4 and half hours. So at least now I know our path is different.
I was bit envious at the relationship between A's parents, mutual empowerment. They truly love and care for each other. He fulfilled her dream for travel and she fulfilled his for companionship

Mmmm, comparison. This week Osho tarot card is on comparison.

1. Issue
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare u are simply there. A small bush or big high tree - it doesn't matter; u are urself. U r needed. A grass leaf is needed as much as the biggest star.
The ideas of trees comparing themselves to each other seems ridiculous, but we human seem to find this habit very hard to breaks.
Let's face it, there is always going to be somebody who is more beautiful, more talented, stronger, more intelligent or apparently happier than u are. And conversely,  there will always be those who are less than u in all these ways. The way to find out who you are is not by comparing urself with others but by looking to see whether u are fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know.

Soul
True.

2. Internal influence
Guidance.
The truth of ur own deepest being is trying to show u where to go right now and when this card appears it means u can trust the inner guidance u are being given.
If u follow the inner guide, u will feel more whole, more integrated as if u are moving outwards from the very center of ur being. If u go with it, this beam of light will carry u exactly where u need to go.

Soul
Amen.

3. External Influence
Silence
Times changes, the whole world goes changing but the experience of silence, the joy of it remains the same. This is the only thing u can rely upon.
There is nothing to do, nowhere to go and the quality of ur inner silence permeates everything that u do. Now is the time to come home to urself. The understanding and insights that come to u in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of ur life.

Soul
Of late, my practices is just contented and joyful silence. I love best the breathing meditation and just sitting with the Shrine.


4. What is needed for resolution?
Ordinariness.
U are facing a time when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations u encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or otherwise extraordinary. Forget about making headlines by inventing the latest gadget or dazzling ur friends and colleague.

Soul
I didn't set to impress auditor nor I set out to influence A's parents I just do what is right.

5. Resolution
Past lives
The real point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives

Soul
No longer need to compare. No longer need to build my worth to others. No longer want to be needed. Just want to be wanted.

 May 30 mor

Was in toilet and suddenly a rush of tots of how to get in more people for IE and Hata Yoga. Tots keep coming. They are good ideas. As I was looking at these tots I said nope, not another round of showing my worth to others. No other time to show that I should be needed. Once and for all I don't want to be validated as someone that can do things. I want to be validated just by my presence, the same as L yesterday.
Mmm, envy guides the way.

It doesn't matter if attendance is low. No one asked for my help and I need not offer. My offering is just another way to get my worth. No need.