Facing my karma in relationship (20)

Feb 2
Father, woke up around 5.30 am feeling aroused; tot of Z. I think my past is gone, joy has broken down the walls that I made to protect myself.
I finally know that I was not being frigid, I couldn't respond because I was not attracted to them. I could withstand them because I just switched off, just like I did in the past. I tot that was the price I had to pay to be in rship. Just like when I was a child, I tot that was the price I had to pay for being playful, curious and not saying no from the on start.
I am freed. I forgive myself and others.

The Passion Test
By taking action, u r directing ur attention to the fulfillment of ur passions.
Action keeps attention engaged. It is not action that creates the desired results. It is ur intention directed through the process of attention that creates the result.
Your plan of action keeps ur attention engaged in the fulfillment of ur intention, and what makes life fun is seeing how the fulfillment will show up.
That is why it is so important to stay open. We can pretty well guarantee that things won't unfold the way u think they will.
Nature will guide u every step of the way when u listen to its messages.

Soul
This is the receptivity Osho mentioned. I know its becos of receptivity that my assistant for my website is now Sh instead of M. My partner is now Z instead of E. My receptivity to Osho has made me confess my attraction and admiration for Z. Then second time, it made me call him and broke my karma belief that I was unlovable, I was frigid and etc.

The Passion Test
Believe it or not, life is set up to keep u on the cosmic highway to ever increasing joy and fulfillment.
When u feel expanded, this is Nature's way of telling u to go forward, take action, u r on the right track. When u feel contracted, the cosmic Guidance System is saying, stop, take a break, look again and reflect;
Take it easy, be kind to urself, step back and take another look and stay open to what is appearing in ur life now. You will be giving urself the chance for new ideas, new solutions and new opportunities to show up.

Soul
That's what I did yesterday, with amazing results.

Mar 6
I was contracted since last Friday when Z reiterated that we are only having fun and since I am emotional, he wanted to drive the rship so that I don't get hurt and he doesn't get into a mess. Such arrogance..
I felt such anger and later sadness, which I just released an hour ago. I now felt much better...

The Passion Test
Travelling the cosmic highway to fulfill ur destiny has a lot to do with learning to trust that the universe is created to support u in experiencing ever-increasing joy and fulfillment.
It means "resigning as general manager of the universe"
It means letting go of the idea that u have to control everything that happens in ur world.

Mar 6
For the first time, I have to let go of my control as Z is even more control freak than me. I control myself, he control others and the situation around him. I guess he is even more fearful than me...he cannot afford to lose...
I am feeling better now...he has made me stronger..


Feb 2 Eve
Father, he is my cosmic lesson. While he likes me, he is not enamored by me. His intensity is for his business. He just want a partner that meet his needs.
Now I know what it meant for Seven of Spades - to practice positivity and keep going despite no response.
I now realise that I am more intense vs him in this relationship.
And our point of attraction is different. I showed by writing love notes and he showed by wanting to be physical with me.