Facing my karma in relationship (34)

Feb 19 Eve

Still didn't call me. The thing is I am not surprised. I come to realised that he cannot multi task and when he is doing something, he does it to the exclusion of everything. When he said he is married, he focus just on family and ignore business. I think his focus is on his children and he forgot about the wife.
Now he is focused on the biz.

The good thing is I am no longer taking this personally. I don't see it as a personal rejection. Of cos, mind is saying he is seeing another gal. But somehow I know its not, which I don't know why.

For me, I am just wondering if this is the type of rship I want, an absent man.
A tot came, its this me finding excuse to run away.

Let me have another tot.

Transformation Cards
1. Your issues
Meditation
Do the small things of life with a relaxed awareness. Remain conscious and u r meditating. Then meditation is not separate from life.
Life is not a distraction, life is an occasion for meditation.
Pay attention, be careful and everything becomes spiritual. At the ultimate peak, everything is divine. This very world is the paradise and this very body the buddha.

Soul
Tot this to mean that I must be conscious in dealing with Z. If I am conscious, everything is divine. Yea, I already knew Z is my cosmic lesson and its meant as part of my lesson to fulfill my destiny. I have him in my prayer as he is here to help me to self-transform.
Mmm, a tot came. When I finally accepted my situation, it may turn around.

2. External influence that u r aware
Dropping knowledge
Truth is ur own experience, ur own vision. A truth becomes a lie if it enters ur being throught the wrong door. The truth has to enter through the front door, through the eyes. One has to see it.

Soul
Now I knew I project my need into them. That's why I have became an initiator. Now, no more.

3. Inner influences - Seed of transformation
Gates of heaven
Heaven and hell are geographical, they are psychological. They r here and now. It is a moment to moment question. Heaven and hell are within u. The doors are very close to each other. With just a change of ur mind, ur being is transformed.
Whenever u act unconsciously, without awareness, u r in hell
Whenever u act consciously, u r in heaven.

Soul
Noted. Now I no longer do the chasing. I am letting this see where he is.
He is who he is and I am who I am. He doesn't care for rship and I care too much. So, I have to be more conscious than him.
Now that I knew he is my lifetime cosmic lesson. I am taking this slowly.

4. Direction of growth
Renewal
The heritage of buddha
When there is no past, when there is no future, only then is there peace. Future means aspirations, achievements, goals, ambition, desire.
One has to be utterly present to the present, then there is peace. And out of that is renewal of life, because life knows only one time and that is the present.

In the present is the kingdom that is going to last forever, which cannot be conquered.

5. Key to integration
That which never dies - the grieving mother and the mustard seeds.
Before life disappears, us the opportunity to find out that which never dies.
Forget about the child. Initiate me into the art of meditation, so that I can go into the land, the space of immortality, where birth and death never happened.
Cutting the problem from the very roots.