Receptivity - being open (2)

Feb 13

Father, the course is over.
I have another realisation. The right mantra should be;
"To be able to lose means to Live" and not "To lose means to live"
So, just like in the office, be a Win Win situation. So, good place for everyone.

So, my song this morning is still valid; If I can't have u, I don't want u, baby.

Afternoon
The trainers told me that they were impressed with me since day one. They said I am a good negotiator and an honourable one too.

Father, I love U. I will share my experience today. A miraculous recovery for me to able to love him again after 30 odd years.

I just realised that this is a first swim I had since the recovery. So, perhaps both, me and also the stones. They were calling out to me. Today I was swimming effortlessly round the four corners of the pool without stopping. I just focused on the stone below me, didn't think of the distance. Amazing.

A tot came, my body can now moved to any type of music. Previously, only to isha music and I tot its becos of isha. But now, any music so that's means my body has become more receptive. And listening to any music is such a joy. I used to experience joy in the pool and now anywhere as long as there is music. I need not close eyes or focus, it just happen by itself.

The corner section of the pool, near the stone section called out to me. When I stayed there and float, suddenly I felt a wave of sadness, I was crying, then a wave of laughter, followed by singing. I felt their energy very strongly. I promised them that I will be back.

After I was done, I swam and I stopped when I saw this single white rock. I picked it up and its here with me now.
In the final lap, which I didn't plan to make. I was dancing with the water, with the stone. Amazing.

Suddenly a tot occurred to me, just like what Sadhguru says, if u receptive, u can connect with Energy anywhere, not just in Ashram or Himalaya.
For me, I can connect with water and now stone. Amen.

Suddenly I tot of Z and I laughed. He must be feeling more dismayed than me after our sharing. In his ernesty to breakthru my doors, he inadvertently open his. And his doors are far more 'private' than mine.

Yea, he can say I am not in his mind, and he doesn't miss me, he doesn't want any commitment but just my body but he has broken all "not to" and has exposed all his inner doors to me. He is smart, so by now he knows what he has done as he is now very vulnerable. Wonder how will he pull it back so he has an upper standing vs me. He doesn't want to lose.

Everytime he says nope he doesn't want me, he got deeper with me. Now I can see it as I am able to lose. When u don't mind losing, somehow there is more clarity as u know see it more objectively. No wonder I can see it. I will just be my loving self with him. I don't care what others think and even if I lose in the end, also doesn't matter cos I have lived.

Sadhguru
When we live with certain limitations, life imposes its own limitations. Only within yourself when u live without any limitations, life opens up its bounty for u.

When u approach life, if u r able to become nothing, something very small, u will have become a wonderful human being.

Soul
Similar to my mantra; To lose is to Live!

Father, why I felt a grab if people call me Aka, especially the chinese one. The indians I don't mind cos that's their language. Ah ha, I know. To me, if the chinese call me Aka, that's mean they think I am indian...really quite racist me.