Facing my karma in relationship (21)

Feb 3 Eve
Father, I had some tot of Z, which I was able to waive. I recall BSP's teacher saying that she and her husband r no longer attached to each other. When they r together, they r with each other. But when they r not, they don't think of each other. Guess this is what Sadhguru said about he romance his wife but he doesn't build his life around his wife.

Father, I saw my karmic relationship that I latched on to a partner just because I think he could offer me material and mental stimulation. This is similar to my past life whereby I married for materials. I was wondering if I done the same with Z as he and I doesn't have common strength, ie he doesn't like to read nor write; he doesn't believe in spirituality.
Then I saw my sis with her husband and my brother with her wife, they doesn't seem to have the same strength.

Mmm, what I like about Z
1. He makes me feel like a woman
2. He let's me be vulnerable with him.
3. He is also vulnerable with me.
4. We both like food and comfort
5. We both believe in doing good
6. He is courageous, a self-made man
7. I am attracted to him
8. He is not afraid of my layers of intensity.
9. He is not afraid of my smartness and intelligence
10. He is also considerate of potential feeling of hurt.

What I don't like
1. He is not as attracted to me.
2. He is not attached to me, I come after his work and friends
3. He is in too physical mode.

(Feb 5 - actually it is good as I feared I lost my identity. Since he is not attached to me, I can expand my career)
(Mar 6 - now reading this and tot actually there is no problem per se. It is just me afraid of my future and my pride is dented by Z saying that he doesn't want me as much as I want him. Infact, he is very fine that I meet other guys. So, instead of taking this personally..at least i have an open option.)

My Saturn lesson
Seven of Heart - non-attachment in rship
If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a Seven is present

Soul
Similar to Osho-Friendliness
You don't depend on others and u don't make others dependent on u.
True friends, mature, easy with each other, natural.
There is no urgency about their connection, no neediness, no desire to change the other into something else
U may feel that u r being forced to make a sacrifice now, but if u apply the wisdom to the current situation, u could learn the value of real love.
U r no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people are engaged in. It is not a loss. It is a birth of a higher, more loving quality born of the fullness of experience. It is a birth of a love that is truly unconditional, without expectations of demands.

Soul
Tot of me, most fearful of personal relationships. Most suffering as I took things personally. I had the worst impact of abandonment and because of this I would take the energy to swing back to the positive side.
Similar to boss being such a bitch that doesn't seem to care about rship to someone who does.
Its unleashing the mind at both ends.
Instead of worrying or wondering why I am given such a tough challenge to swing my fear in rship to fearlessness instead of just normalness, I must remember of CEO.
So, I will persevere.
I attracted Z into my life because I want to explore other facets of loving myself and I have chosen a mirror to help me learn to love myself.
Father, a coincidence that I met my karma card when I am now going thru my karmic relationship. Very apt. Thanks.
　
Two of Hearts in Pluto
A major goal for u is to have a successful love relationship. So u will make many changes within urself in the name of love or romance (Soul - no wonder, tots of sacrifice)
Whether u r interested in the partner of ur dreams, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this areas.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the "love union".
Your intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u. At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situation - to have more intimacy in ur life.

Affirmation
I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life and my lovers are mine to embrace.
Soul
Exactly what I need. Now I know why Shb comes into my life. She is my mirror of not loving myself.