Facing my karma in relationship (30)

Feb 13 Eve

Father, almost everyone said the sathsang was great. For me, I think its just doable as I faltered for a 2 to 3 minutes trying to recall the script. Then I just ignored and do it on my own and it become smooth. Also I didn't watch the dvd, so will do so in future for better preparation.

Earlier I broke the ice and called Z and I knew he welcomed me. Then at sathsang, I noticed that he tried to sit outside my view. Why? Then for dinner, at first we both sit across each other and then we have to split up. Then he didn't make any attempt to chat me up and I am disappointed.
Mmm, head being lowered. But I remind myself this is a happy problem as alas I felt it after such a long dry spell.

Father, I am having doubts again. And I tot if I m feeling this even before it start, then how after we become intimate. Father, this is scary. A tot came, I asked for him in my 2 to 3 months goal, become a famous published author in 2 to 3 years, become a famous transformational speaker in long term and I also pictured Z in it. Z following me when his schedule permit and we were on a plane ride together.

One thing I noticed is that I can speak quite well off the cuff and my voice sounded good. So, looks like me being a Transformational speaker does have merits.
Aiyoh, I miss him but he doesn't miss me.

I called him later and we chatted, the bad feeling is gone. He reiterated to meet up next week. Never mind lah, go slow.