I am freed from my past

Feb 5
Father, had tots of Z. Checked to his 2012 destiny cards and noted that Queen of Diamond is his result card if he take up his Pluto challenge of changing his mindset and plans. Not sure why but somehow it gives me more confidence and I need not worry this is a fling for him. As for me, next year focus is on me being a writer and a change of values too.

(Mar 6 - he really wanted a fling, albeit a long one. He is already planning that we should buy a condo so that we can have our fun. He had it all planned, but he also didn't realise I too had planned for early exit.)

I am now fine if we don't meet up till sathsang. Let's play it by the ear. I want him but I will not lead my life for him. He was never in the pix and I have travelled so far to be at space I am. I won't let go my feeling of joy and contentment for moments of pleasure. Anyway, with or without him, my love life is effortless.

Father, my past insecurity is gone. I was comfortable with the old gang, its effortless catching up with them.

I am also freed from my brother's criticism. He is criticising his daughter the way he did me. His daughter said that his dad only tell people her bad points and cause people to have bad impression of her. I responded immediately that no worries, we only have bad impression of his dad.
I finally felt the closeness and love for my brother. I know he loves his daughter and yet criticised her sarcastically and its because he think is for her own good. He did it to me previously and I have been carrying the bad impression of me for a long long time. Nowadays, his criticism of me wash away like water, it doesn't stick and I also don't feel hurt by it. Yea, alas I finally love my brother. I was able to touch him lovingly. I know he loves me just like he loves his daughter. His criticism is to his way of showing his love. Father, the past is truly gone. This is truly a new year for me.
Tot of Z again and how we r so suitable for each other. We showed our love by spending time, buying good food and by touch.

The Passion Test
Jyothish can be a valuable additional input to the decisions u have to make. It can increase the likelihood of success by being alert to the timing of when u choose to take action. U can also use it to take action to avoid undesirable consequences.
Be open, u may discover that all sorts of interesting possibilities appear in ur life. Use the tools and the knowledge which resonates with ur own experience of life.
　
Soul
For me using 7thunder cards is a good way. Firstly, I am able to face my Seven of Heart with an awareness instead of allowing my mind to run it astray. I knew its a period of facing my fear of relationship and I can face it squarely or jeopardize it by running away again. For me, the outcome is not being with Z, but of self-growth. I am ready to move out and face intimacy again.
As for knowing that I may be in Z's next year destiny, it makes me less anxious. I am now willing to make time. I become patient, I need rush through my lesson. Also, I know that while I may have challenge this year as I want him more than he want me, next year he would have me, meaning he wants me more by then. And that's means I have overcome my fear of intimacy by then.

Keywords in intimacy - compromise and cooperation. Something for me to remember and I need to add patience too. I need not push things to happen, it will happen in its own time. My love life is effortless.

(Mar 6 - I finally experience my first intimacy with him and I am looking forward to more.)