Facing my karma in relationship (23)

Feb 8 Aft
Just finished my shoonya. It was great, I was laughing non-stop despite my emotion being bit-off due to Z. Looks like there is no worries as my inner joy is intact and not affected by my outer circumstances.

Osho
1. The Issue
Slowing Down
Each moment one has to be at ease with yourself. Do whatsoever u r doing, but at the deepest core remain at ease, cool, calm and centred.
It is a time when u r ready to let go of any expectations u have had about urself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusions u might have been carrying.
There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who u r right now.
This is the time for acceptance of what is.
Just like the tortoise, we carry our home with us wherever we go. There is no need to hurry, no need to seek shelter elsewhere. Even as we move into the depths of the emotional waters, we can remain self-contained and free from attachment.
Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognising that u r already at home.
Soul
Yea. Will follow thru and stay with this. Mmm, just realised. Its like swimming, part of me wants to raise forward to finish the race, not caring if I fail or pass, I just don't want to be in space whereby I am not in control and chance of failure is looming, a place of uncertainty. Even willing to fail so that
Never mind, just slow down. I need to face this period of uncertainty. Remember its not the destination/outcome that is the challenge. My real challenge is being in the period of uncertainty. I must remember we r safe and my inner joy is intact. Just flow. I am safe. Amen.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to balance
Transformation
Symbols of transformation - the sword that cuts through illusion, the snake that rejuvenates itself by shedding its skin, the broken chain of limitations.
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity".

Soul
This is a period of uncertainty. I seem to be going nowhere or somewhere. And it is not within my control, I cannot do anything to direct the tide.


3. External influence of which u r aware
Courage
Long is the journey and it is always safer not to go on that journey because unknown is the path, nothing is guaranteed.
Nothing can be guaranteed.
The sprouts starts towards the unknown, towards the sun, towards the source of light, not knowing where, not knowing why.
Much courage is needed.
When we r faced with a very difficult situation we have a choice: we can either be resentful, and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardship, or we can face the challenge and grow.

(Soul - seems similar with my article on my feelings towards Z; once decision is made, deal with ur insecurities)

The flower shows us the way, as its passion for life leads it out of the darkness and into the light. There is no point fighting against the challenges of life or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them.
Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.

Soul
So apt. I know I am not going to run from Z. So, I am feeling bit edgy. No wonder both colleagues also scared of me. I was really off when I told J that I don't need the preliminaries/greetings, just tell me what he wants. Just now E called me, I was also edgy and want him to get to the point. He was smart and hang up.

4. What is needed for resolution?
The Creator
The mystic creates himself. He doesn't work with objects, he work with the subject; he works on himself, his own being.
The Zen master has harnessed the energy of fire and is able to use it for creation rather than destruction. He is so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is in the world outside. He offers this gift of understanding and integration to all those who come to him, the gift of creative light that comes from the center of his being.
Whatever u undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enrichment to our own lives and to the lives of others.
Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from ur own life experience, it is time to express yourself.

Soul
Not sure. But I know I have the courage to face this period of uncertainty.

5. Resolution
Suppression
Find a healing outlet for this potential explosions. It is essential to find a way to release whatever tensions and stresses that might be building up inside. Do anything to shake ur energy and allow it to circulate freely.

Soul
I released my suppressed anger by screaming in my car, all the way home. It was great. I am freed as I now can scream. I recalled that I cannot even open up my mouth to utter a scream.