Facing my karma in relationship (26) - courage

Feb 10

Father, amazing nite. We spoke for 3 hours yesterday.

I am not sure if I can go thru with this relationship. He offers a relationship without any commitment, just companionship. Really unknown.

Suddenly tot of the Courage card needed to go thru Unknown. Inner was Transformation. What to do was - Creator, using passion to transform.
Resolution - release of all suppression.

So, I have to go through with this.
What I know is I am taking this becos it is part of my destiny, breaking through my limitation, my fear.
What I know is that my practices will help me to stay focus
What I know is I have a real thing. I dreamt of someone helping me to overcome my issue. Someone that understand. The only thing is that he is not in love with me, he is only doing this to help me, he can walk out any time.
What I know is that Z is a real diamond that is not mine. And he said that I am not in his mind and he doesn't miss me.
However, the fact that he was affected by me, the fact that he was triggered and he said he wanted to walk off. The fact that to him, I made him 'angry'. He do care for me and he will stop it if he finds that I cannot handle it.

Aiyoh, really scary. But I know that God is helping me. Without boss's intervention, I couldn't have come to this stage.

Just finished meditation. I was disappointed that he didn't want to be my potential partner and he just want to have sex with me. He is a good friend who volunteer to be my Sexual therapist because he cares for me and wants me to be happily married to another man.
I need not have to go all the way, I just want to test if I can respond sexually.
What a turn of event. Perhaps this is the best way to break my fear. A partner will have his own insecurities and would not be able to do this with me.
Because Z is not in love with me, he can help me to break free of my sexual issue. Amen.
So is a perfect solution.