Facing my karma in relationship (27) - pain

Feb 10 Aft

Soul
Was having tots of yesterday 3 hours of intense conversation, covering our dreams, fantasy, past, our reaction towards each other. Was giving myself hope that Z wanted to be my partner. Anyway, I dashed it. His Jack of Diamond states that he has the upper hand in relationship. He can be involved with a person physically and be emotionally detached. To him physical and emotion are two different matters.

I will remember he is just a good friend who wants to be my Sex Therapist because he wants to be happily married to another man.


1. The Issue
Slowing down
It is a time when u r ready to let go of any expectations u have had about yourself or other people and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying.
There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who u r right now.
If desires and hopes and dreams are fading away, so much the better. Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and u r able to welcome this development in a way u have never been able to before.
Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognising that u r already home.

Soul
My illusion that Z wanted to be my committed partner. He just want to be non-commital sex therapist.
There goes my little hope of valentine gift.
I don't need to do anything now. Infact he more excited about it than me.
I have courageously open up all my doors to Z.


2. Internal Influence
Transformation
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity".
Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And, like death, it takes u from one dimension into other.

Soul
About me accepting Z's ultimatum of no commitment but is willing to be my sex therapist and friend.