Flying high with Shakti Chalana Kriya

Nov 13
Just finished Samyama. Suddenly need to break free with coffee. Its been nearly three hours and I still feel high from the coffee.
I used to think Coffee doesn't affect me and I can sleep just like that. But now after 40 days of strict veg and positive pranic food I can finally see the coffee has stimulant. The high it gives me is similar to wine. Not sure I want to drink coffee tomorrow. The high I get from my practices is much better.
Now I know what Sadhguru meant that its better to be 'drunk' from practices.

Sadhana.
It was quite effortless, considering first time without meditation chair. But on third day I had to use joint spray as pain creeping up.

During the process, it suddenly dawned on me that the reason I want out from being a guide is that there is no support. Previously with M, not only he gave me full support on technical and I focused only on being a guide, he was also the program lead and I can just let go during program.
Now not only I had to be responsible for the Sathsang set up but also for program. It then dawned on me that I truly got communication issue. I kept my feelings so much that I couldn't even express it to my self.
So, confirmed that I should not be a guide.

Later Sadhguru spoke about awareness and samadhi mode. I knew I m definitely Samadhi mode. And being a guide means I have to suppress my samadhi mode. So it is not about resistance in service but its because its against my spiritual path.
I lost all my chance to be in Samadhi mode in Sathsang and in program. It is not about leadership or services but it is about me wanting to be on my own samadhi mode.
Just confirmed with teacher, V that I m definitely a Samadhi type. She said during my first Sathsang she was worried I jumped up.

Today I finally got my breakthrough in Shakti Chalana kriya. I was able to watch my breathe during Kapala Bhakti and at the end I exploded into laughter and singing. Alas I finally got it. No wonder it took so long cos Shakti is more of an awareness mode. Now that I learned breathing meditation correctly I am able to apply it on Shakti.

Also learned that I shouldn't put Shoonya and Samyama on back to back. From now on Samyama be before sleep. Luckily got confirmation from teacher.