Nov 13 eve
During Samyama I finally said enough of attraction to Indian men so that I can have my sadhana room. I will built my own sadhana room. I already got yantra, just need big Dhynalinga picture. I also want my snake ring. To remind myself that I wanted to stillness of the snake. To remind myself on my path.
Snake ring looks good on me. It felt bit heavy on me. But my choice is made. Commitment is made alas.
During the Samyama very little tots of anything. But some tots came in on issue being
Sathsang guide, tot of L's heavy criticism and some jealous tots of Z's wife and Z.
Sadhguru
Your mind can only create tots relating to what u identify.
Soul
Looks like I was attached being a Sathsang guide or rather being a good person and L's heavy criticism blow me off.
Now with Z perhaps I identified myself as the 'wife' who got left behind. The 'wife' who gave everything, see thru the 'bad' times with the 'husband' and now that husband is 'successful', he ditched me and found a young gal. I guess I expect to be 'paid' for my loyalty. I expect him to know that I want more.
So the north node is really true. Anyway just remind myself I got what I want. Like Sadhguru said when we love someone, we exaggerate their quality. I projected my goodness on him. G said she couldn't see him as what I has said. To G, Z was a player and yet also want a traditional life.
Anyway, it's over. The last remnants now cleared. Going to do another clearing at Linga this Friday. Will be good.
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