Osho transformation card - laughter is eternal

Nov 14 eve
Lost interest in coffee since I know it gives me an unpleasant high. I prefer my inner high. Father, I said I be enlightened the day I lose my love for coffee. Looks like I m losing coffee but nowhere enlighten. But at least I m now going to do the Wish at Linga, which is a major breakthrough.

Tonight feel like going to Dhynalinga for a sitting. But feet is swelling due to sprain. So let it recover.

Nov 14 eve 1
Got this Osho transformation card before l arrive in Ashram. Now only had time to read it.

1. Outer influence that u might also not be fully aware of
When Shibli threw the rose
He wept at my fear, my cowardice. He wept because I was compromising with the crowd.

Soul
Not sure. First tot was the fact that I realised I truly had bad expression in personal and romantic relationship. All negative feelings kept inside, ignoring my inner child.
That's why I broke down during last Sathsang. My child wants to stop but the adult in me continue.
From now onwards I acknowledged the needy child in me. It has become needy because I ignored it for so many years.
I won't forget again.

2. External influence
The samurai pride
Heaven and hell are psychological. They are here and now.
When u act consciously with full awareness, u are in heaven.

Soul
Many times I ignored or suppressed the child out of pride. How can I tell others that I don't feel supported being a guide. How can I tell others I truly don't like to be a guide when I m good at it. How can I let go of leadership in Isha when I have the most free time and skill sets.
How can I block of L and S.
But in the end I did block of S. And also soon L too.
How can I ask for what I want.
Today you sent the message of a younger version of me. So alas I m making the wish for a partner from Linga.
Also I m not going to be the main guide.

3. The seeds of transformation.
Alexander the Great meet Diogenes
Postponement is a trick of the mind; it keeps you hoping , and meanwhile the opportunity is slipping by. And in the end u will come to cul-de-sac and there will be no opportunity left.
If you don't rest now, then u never will. Something or other will always remain to be conquered ... and time remains fleeting. U will die in the middle of ur journey.

Soul
Suddenly recalled what Sadhguru said about being mindless. Being mindless is not useful in the world. It won't make you more successful in the world.
But being mindless is a step to transcendence.

So I now can safely accept my mindless without feeling guilty that I m not evolving yet to be able to overcome disturbance of mind. To take so long to get over Z, to still need a new partner at my age.

For now just savour my practices, my bliss.

4. Direction of growth in ur inner awareness
The Chinese mystic's last surprise.
Laugher is eternal.