Vjii and I on samadhi path

Nov 14 mor
Went to Sadhana hall to do morning practices. The new yoga mat is good for asanas but not good for Shakti. Have to get small pillow.
Again flying with Shakti for second time. Did my Shakti with awareness of breathe. Towards the end I m into the zone and laughter erupted.
Shambavi was good too. Today was crying and then laughing with Brahmanda Swaroopa chanting.
Later adjourned to Vijii
.
Now with Vijii. Now that I know my path is Samadhi, I understand why I was drawn to her energy even before knowing or meeting her. Our inner energy calling to each other.
Just savouring my time alone with her. The energy is so nice and lovely. I feel her love and protection.
As I sat after half an hour, suddenly a tot came on why she left before consecration of Dhynalinga. Yea, she caused trouble to others leaving at the crucial point of creating Dhynalinga. Just like I left Isha leadership when Sadhguru came last year. I had to leave before the responsibility sets on. Once Dhynalinga is on, she can't go her path. So she took a fast track.
Just like me not wanting to be Sathsang guide. Its ironic that both of us got so much loving energy and responsibility. But our sense of responsibility keeps us where we don't want to be.
Now after this Samyama, no more regret on leaving the role of guide. Just be easy on myself, reaffirm my path. Samyama practices will deepen. Today slept less than 4 hours but feel awake despite restless sleep before 12 am due to fan.
The night Samyama with Shoonya will be replaced by Breathing meditation. And definitely wake up time is now 4 am.

Nov 20
I shared with P on the similarity between me and Vijii when I too left the core team just before Sadhguru's visit. I said others must have resented Vijii, the same as they judged and resented me. I understand Vijii cos I too acted the same. We just both need to run away and go on our own path.
P admitted she was resentful of me then for breaking away at crucial point, leaving her to fend...I said I know....