Moon in Taurus - attachment to group setting

Nov 5 afternoon

Moon in Taurus by Gargatholil  
If you become active in social causes, you are likely to pour emotional energy into your efforts and feel personally committed to the cause.  The primary danger of such intense and emotional group involvement is that you may not have the emotional energy left to share with your own family or to provide yourself with emotional "down time."
            You may, however, experience some conflict between your private and extroverted sides.  Conflict would occur when you are thrust out into group or social situations but would rather remain alone or with family or more intimate friends.  Under such circumstances, you could feel threatened and vulnerable or feel shy and retiring.  If, however, you embrace the opportunities suggested by the Eleventh House, you may find that your avenues for emotional expression and fulfillment are greatly enhanced.   

Soul
No wonder.
There is truly 2 sides of me.
I only become the sathsang guide as there was no one else. Sathsang was precious
But after 3 years, I was getting tired and really want out.
Alas, got my sabbatical.
Like An said, I am quiet at the house, not much to say...whereas I am quite chatty outside.
An said I only got 2 type of face, one is neutral and the other is laughing.
Last Friday, I was hit by wave of sadness due to memory of Z and wife; but no one know


Insecurity
            If you are inwardly insecure, you will be so bonded and attached to your identification with your group, that you lose your own sense of personal identity.  In essence, you merge your identity into the group identity so that the group consciousness becomes your own subconscious, in a sense.  Your attachment to the group results in your own attitudes and behavior being conditioned by the group.
            Your behavior is very vulnerable to domination by peer pressure, for you cannot see yourself going against the group or leaving it.  The group has become your family.  You will do anything to remain a part of the group and retain the group's approval.

Soul
A few years ago, that was true. I always judged myself for not being Isha like.
I also judged myself for wanting to opt out when I got free time to do volunteering. I judged myself for wanting out of being a sathsang guide and local leader when I truly got no other reason, except that I don't enjoy it nor derive satisfaction.
But now that I knew about my Two of Diamonds, I am disentangling myself.

Moon in Taurus by Gargatholil
 It may occur, however, whether through disillusionment or a sudden shift in point of view, that you retreat from active social involvement in order to undertake your own personal quest.  You may realize that changing the system does not necessarily equate to its improvement and that true change depends upon raising consciousness.  You then see that consciousness raising must begin with yourself.  You, therefore, embark on a personal journey toward actualizing your high ideals.

Soul
Thats exactly what i am doing.
Now it is me time
I just want to focus on my personal journey.
The group can be on their own as they seems more evolved than me.
I need time and space for myself.
But I am still keeping to a few close ones.