Being true to myself

Nov 24
Woke up 2 am due to heat. Slept back and wife awake at 4 am. Body feel fresh. Since it was not time I dozed a bit. Woke up at 4.20 am cos I want to do three cycle of Surya kriya.
Truly blessed to have the Sannidi. My phelgm has reduced much and nose not as blocked. Sleeping with the sannidhi truly helps.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and followed by singing guru pooja as it just came out.
Cat stretch was lovely. Breathing was normal and posture at ease.
Surya kriya was good too. Now front bend, forehead are getting much nearer to forehead. And certain postures I m able to breathe normally with ease.
Shakti was good. Only on second cycle I was distracted. Towards the end singing a tune.
Shambavi was gentle with the lovely cat stretch and nice Suka Kriya. Despite a break to switch off the alarm I continue Shambavi effortlessly. Towards the end such sweetness and tenseness. I truly don't want to wake up. 

My lower spine has improved. I am able to bend a bit backward.

A tot came to me. I am always attacking myself whenever I found myself lacking. My first line is always attacking myself. And when it becomes too difficult I start to defend myself.
Defending myself is only required if I had somehow attack myself. I admit that the rship with P was on false harmony. Just as my rship with ex boss on false harmony. I kept my peace as I want to have comfortable reporting rship with boss. As for P, I held myself back because I don't want to lose her volunteering work. I can't do what she does. Again false harmony. Guess this is similar to my and my ex staff S. I too kept my peace as I want their work.
I had this mistaken beliefs that it is okay for a person to be nasty if they can deliver.
Am I nasty? Nope but I only want to do what I want or rather I don't want to do what I dislike.

So on the freelance promotion I will do my work on my own. Will not be using their template. Need not show them my correspondence. I will work till the end to get the deal. They only come on board after the deal is done. They can then use their corporate proposal when they want to.
What's important to me is my freedom, my feelings. I can pay the price of doing some work.
Then I m not beholden to anyone. Then it will be a test of real harmony. Amen.
I can do what's needed. Alas I understood the North node in Taurus. Relying on myself instead of 'selling' myself.