Dec 19 aft 1
Now know why I wish for a partner cos my main love language is 'physical'.
Physical Touch
A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.
Soul
Only with a partner, I can show my love.
But now with Hata Yoga, I can experience self love. No wonder whenever I am totally involved in hata yoga, I can feel orgasmic'; so satisfying, so fulfilling.
With others, I use my second major love language which is "word affirmation"
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.
Soul
I got this from my close friend, L, A and even K.
Also got some from my boss.
Wah, in the event I got my partner..he better be compatible in lovelanguage with me. Otherwise truly suffering.
Got the physical from Z but alas it was just a physical release for him, not his lovelanguage. His is gift...Mmm, he didn't want to give me any gift. I used to think it because he has no money but alas its because he doesn't love me. Hence he doesn't want to show his lovelanguage. Just as he didn't want to buy gift for him too.
He didn't know that my lovelanguage is physical and neither did I. So he doesn't mind receiving the physical from me since he tot that's not my lovelanguage.
And with P, I won't be getting love the way I wanted to have. Her way of showing appreciation is the opposite end of mine. Hers is service.
Now I know why it has been suffering with P. Truly wrong person for me.
Alas can let go of my expectation of her being my close friend. It has been one-sided. No more.
Quality Time
In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.
Soul
When Z was with me, he give me 100%, his phone will be switched, just me and him. That make me special and feel loved. But alas may not be his lovelanguage as he said he is too tired to take any calls, its off days for him.
With myself, is quality time.
Thats why i can be resentful and sad when my time is not used to what I feel as valuable; time alone.
Soul
This week Osho tarot really true.
Been having tots of P and Z this week.
Can now see the lovelanguage of P and Z. They never loved me the way I love them. It was all one-sided.
Sad but better late than never.
Tears coming into my eyes.
4. Whats needed for resolution
Projections
The man and woman in this card are facing each other, yet they are not able to see each other clearly. Each is projecting an image they have constructed in their minds, covering the real face of the person they are looking at. All of us can get caught up in projecting movies of our own making onto the situations and people surrounding us. It happens when we are not fully aware of our own expectations, desires and judgments; instead of taking responsibility for them and owning them, we try to attribute them to others. A projection can be devilish or divine, disturbing or comforting, but it is a projection nonetheless--a cloud that prevents us from seeing reality as it is. The only way out is to recognize the game. When you find a judgment arising about another, turn it around: Does what you see in others really belong to you? Is your vision clear, or clouded by what you want to see?
Soul
Because I already love them, I tot by continuing to give, they will eventually love me.
True love doesn't require sacrifice.
It was all one-sided from me.
I can never get what I want from them. They are not meant to be in my life, in my close circle of love. I already let go of S, let go of Z and now P too.
5. Resolution
The Dream
This has been said again and again, down through the ages. All the religious people have been saying this: "We come alone into this world, we go alone." All togetherness is illusory. The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone, and the aloneness hurts. We want to drown our aloneness in relationship.... That's why we become so much involved in love.
Some enchanted evening you're going to meet your soulmate, the perfect person who will meet all your needs and fulfill all your dreams. Right? Wrong! This fantasy that songwriters and poets are so fond of perpetuating has its roots in memories of the womb, where we were so secure and "at one" with our mothers; it's no wonder we have hankered to return to that place all our lives. But, to put it quite brutally, it is a childish dream. And it's amazing we hang on to it so stubbornly in the face of reality. Nobody, whether it's your current mate or some dreamed-of partner in the future, has any obligation to deliver your happiness on a platter--nor could they even if they wanted to. Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers towards us.
Soul
Alas I am ready to grow up.
To be alone.
No more projecting my love into others.
No more projecting my goodness into others.
No more sustaining false harmony
No more holding on to a one-sided relationship.
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