Old urges for relationship comes back

Dec 22
Woke up upon alarm at 5 am. Slept around 12 plus am yesterday. So opted out of Angamardhana as I need 5 hours of sleep.
The ten minutes pre-sleep with shrine helps.
Had some tots of Z, I saw it and said that's the past, mulling about it won't help me.

Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch. Then one cycle of Surya kriya. Just 10 min not sure how to hold to 20 min. Alignment was good.
Breathing meditation was nice, wish I can sit longer.
Shakti was good. First and two cycle of Kapala Bhakti was focused, can feel the heat generated. Lost myself a bit in first half of third cycle.
Shambavi was good to especially now that all the preparatory steps has been corrected. Wish I could sit longer.

Yesterday I was watching romantic Christmas movie.  It's been a few years since I sat down to watch. I let go when I start going with Z cos I see real rships are not rosy dosy. Later when we broke off I can't watch as I don't want to feel sad with memories of what's lost.

After 4 years I m back, being alone. Without a rship, without active volunteering. Just back to my old self back upgraded version. Just feel so grounded these days.

Saw this in Facebook from Osho on rship.
https://www.facebook.com/OshoRajneeshIndore/photos/a.161663577313746.56251.107045182775586/613105382169561/?type=1

Ordinarily a relationship always disturb.
First get establish in ur being - grounded.... so settled that no one can disturb u. Open the window and let the wind blows and enjoy it.
First be grounded so deeply that no one can pull u down.

If you are happy alone - that means, if you are not in need of a relationship - then only a relationship gives you happiness. If you are in need of it, then you will become miserable - because all dependence brings misery.

The moment you feel dependent on someone for your happiness, you start feeling miserable, because slavery is the thing most hated by the being. Ordinarily all relationships turn into slaveries, sort of bondages, imprisonments.

I was worried that sooner or later you will get into trouble (chuckling),because when one is feeling good, one forgets what type of misery a relationship can bring. This is how the mind functions. When you are alone, you have a fantasy about what happiness will come to you when you are in a relationship. When you are in a relationship, you start thinking that it is better to be alone.

My suggestion is that if you can remain without a relationship, it is going to be very helpful to you.


Soul
Yes.

Astrology for the Soul by Jan Spiller
For each of us, our deepest core issue are shown in the sign and house positions of our north node at the time of our birth. However in the process of writing this book, I realised I had unresolved issues in signs other than my own nodal sign and house. The difference is in the depth of dysfunction. So it won't be as difficult to apply the suggestions in these "alternate" areas as it will be in the area of ur own nodal placement.

North node in cancer in the 11th house
Learning to get in touch with and communicate ur feelings (cancer) through cultivating the energy of friendship and learning to "go with the flow" (11th house)

North node in Aries in the 4th house.
Discover and communicate who u are (Aries) through getting in touch with ur gut instincts (4th house)

Soul
Mine is North node in Taurus in 11th house.