Lost in my past hurt

Nov 21
Woke up around 5 plus wide awake. But still not time and I slept again. This time woke up ten minutes to 7 am cos forgot that I didn't switch on alarm.

Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch. It was not so good as phelgm blocking nose. Breathing bit hard. Did a short breathing after cat stretch and proceed to Shakti.
Shakti was okay as nose still blocked and tots flying on the promotion of hata vs local ISHA.
Shambavi was good but towards the end still has tots of that. In the end I waived it off and said Sadhguru will advise me. The mind is going all through the melodrama.

This week comparison is true. Father, I am aware of my strength and weakness. But still I do compare and tot that P is better off than me; definitely more valuable to local Isha. She is now representative of local Isha. I know that I was hurt when I was outright locked out from all correspondence. I never said that I want to be locked out. She only called me to tell me she handle the emails reply and I agree.

Father, yea they may think I m drama but let me be with this. Let me express myself.

Missing the shrine.


Dec 7
Yes, thats me re-living past hurt. She may have done it but the results is meant to be.
I only want to be in for the validation. I don't want to be under control.
So, its truly meant for me.
The tot of going back to the lead volunteers team sent a shiver down my back.
Similar shiver to the tot of going back to work in sister company.
When I found that they attend the Guide program, I can only heave in relief.
Truly not for me.