What we don't think we deserve, we will not allow to happen.

Sept 21
Father, what a coincidence. Met a friend whom i have not seen a long time. We just chatted via email and sms the other day. We haven't seen each other since abt 2 yrs back. She said I look good n slim. Whereas my relative n friends said I look bigger. I tend to believe that my body is bigger but my face is smaller.

Mmm, this time my brother made those sarcastic remarks n always wan me to do housework or the other. This time, I can jus says I don't wan to do, he jus do it n infact told d wife that he is so arrogant. And d part is I am unaffected. I jus says my piece n let go. Last time, I be silent but miffed.

Last sunday when relative said I put on weight especially d arms, I said ok lah, since m already old already, rightfully will expand.

Evening
Jus now I wanted to watch d korean drama. Its only 1 hour n d rest said no, in particular my brother. He said to ask for a vote. I said nope, this is my place n I want to watch d drama n so they can wait.
I can now says my piece.

My close friend from Spore called me yday and said she can now says her piece n she is so proud of herself. And I told her that I can understand her cos I too can say my piece now alas.

This is great beginning. I tend not to ask for my piece when I faced people that's close to me. I only say my piece to colleagues n bosses.
Wit my ex-staff, I started to say my piece to staff. Wit close friend, I started to say my piece to friend and alas I can now say my piece to my brother.
So, this is a good beginning cos I can then say my piece to the partner. I used to keep to myself whenever I m wit someone, I keep to myself n bear wit it. And it went straight down.

So, its great I learn to say my piece before I embark on my marriage.
Jus now sister was sharing abt putting in her load at her school. I told her that I now no longer want to prove myself. I m already 40 plus and I know m good. I used to take pride being a problem solver and attract challenges n now I don't wan to be a problem solver. I don't need to be. Sister agrees wit me and she too says she is now 40 plus n no longer hav to prove herself. M glad that these days I can talk to my sister like that.

Expect a miracle
U first have to understands;
1. What stops you,
2. What holds you back, and then
3. Change it.

Its a personal work that takes courage and the willingness to look very deeply at your strategies and behaviours. Once u identified the behaviours and decide to change them, the change process itself flows quite naturally.

What we don't think we deserve, we will not allow to happen.
The ego, is our small self, the one created out of fear, which tries desperately to stay in control and keep us unaware of the benevolent force of love.

Mantra - I am willing to look within and accept everything I discover.

When we don't turn on the light to see what's holding us back, our lower self has control. Remember you were brought into this place for the sole purpose of unveiling the great potential within you.

We r so accustomed to believing that we r defined by our relationships (careers, marriage n etc) that they are who we are. Until we grasp that there really is nothing lasting and truly fulfilling in this life other than being in touch with spirit, we will never find a real miracle partnership.

When we invest someone/something else with the power to define who we are, we inevitably come to resent them for failing to live up to the impossible task of doing what only God can do.


Soul - me and my job. I valued myself based on my job's value. If the job is low value, I will be valued lowly.
Mmm, no wonder I felt resentment n didn't wan to expand on my career. Resenting that higher career will eat into my spare time.
Great that I have detached myself from my job.

Expect a miracle
We are all born with certain lessons to learn and we unconsciously create situations in our lives to help us fulfill this destiny, to help us discover our power.
Certain conflicts arise in early childhood to point us toward our path. They are the fundamental building blocks for the personalities we become. They drive us to figure things out, to seek enlightenment, and to become closer to the God potential within.
You see, our wounds are gifts - sometimes very, very painful ones, but always doorways we are forced through so that we can seek beyond our personal limits to the grander scheme of life.

Soul - this is what I know.

Expect a miracle
Whenever we felt abandoned or in some way not cared for, the experiential memory of not getting the love and attention we needed became lodged in our Trinity Self. To survive, we developed personalities to cope with this sense of lack.
At the point that we recognise that these old coping behaviours don't work for us, we haver a choice; we can either dig in and submerge ourselves more deeply into being frustated and alone, or simply decide once and for all to face whatever it was that caused us so much pain and fear.
Often, as people begin this work, they tap into a profound sense of grief. Rather than pushing yourself to "get over it", and move on, now is the time to tend to this grief. There is no more powerful step than to feel and move through the feelings that have been holding you hostage all your life.
This may means crying for a week, or writhing in pain. Whatever comes up for you, its so important that you just let yourself feel it and have compassion for yourself.

Soul - this was me, abt 10 years back in 1999, abt 3 yrs after the start of journey back in 1997. I already experience my worst case wit the con man n decided to take a break cos I was not ready. Now I wan to start, but realised old patterns still there to hold me back. I am now ready to release.

Expect a miracle
The root feeling that serves as an obstacle to a soulful relationship is fear. When we are fearful, we create facades and personas to defend ourselves.
For instance, we may act cocky and sure of ourselves, when in fact we are terrified of being seen as an insecure person with nothin to say.
Its true that when we r afraid, we r not tapped into our spiritual nature. And when we r not tapped into our spiritual nature, we r not nearly as interesting, beautiful and magnetic as we could be.
In this sense our insecurity is well-founded, but as long as we continue to be guided by fear rather than love, we will never attract anyone other than someone who reinforces that fear.
It's all self- created and self-perpetuating. We send out an unconsciour or fear-based message and the Universal Mind fills the order with the perfect person to match.

Fear of not being enough.
Fear of being alone
Fear of being seen for who we really are
Fear of commitment
The fears are powerful dictators of energy, for as we hold to a thought based on fear, energy gathers around it and actually creates the very experience we are afraid of.

If we can't even look at who we are in the deepest regions of our being because of the fear of what we might discover, we are saying to the Universe that we are ashamed our ourselves. If we were to choose to come from love insteadn we would welcome the chance for introspection, knowing that we did the best we could.

To neutralise the energy of fear, which shows up as suspicion, doubt or anxiety, we first have to recognise what we get out of it. What is the binding rewaerd that keeps us isolated from our higher selves.