Ego is relentless

Jus now had meeting on pumping revenue. There was some difficulty in finding numbers. When I see M struggling, I tot of the offline expense n wanted to suggest. But then I tot, why go back into past n put myself into trouble. This is revenue, its not my role. Why want to get involved and no one is forcing me for idea. So I stop.
I have changed. Alas, I now made my life easier, not taking responsibility when its not mine to take. I know all challenges will slowly peel away cos there is no old me who will keep on accepting n overcoming challenges jus to feel good. I need not do anything to feel good. Besides there is no bad feeling now, so don't have to do anything.

Then on d incentive, I back off when M said wan 10 percent flat instead. I didn't argue n said it wil not get approved. Then later CEO wanted us to implement asap n said that there is no need to ask Regional, raising her voice a bit. I said, I can't as the payout is to individual and we must seek Regional's approval. I re-assert myself.

Father, thank u.

Looklng at all the students here. This is a good place to give flyers. Tot of how to deseminate. Maybe can play some student.
Then tot of the Youth interactive. They can be used to send out flyer.
Wow, lots of ideas. Anyway, take it easy, don't hav to do anything. This mth jus focus on my budget.

Osho - New Vision
When you open up to the ultimate, immediately it pours into you. You are no longer an ordinary human being - you have transcended. Your insight become the insight of the whole existence. Now you are no longer separate - you found your roots
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded.

Soul - for the past 2 days, when I read this part, I didn't feel it. And now I felt it, after I took risk and confront Close friend, I now knew the reason why she behaves the way she do. Its all ego and wit SY, I finally understand the mirror of my hidden ego. P and I are the same, its jus that my ego is hidden.
And then Osho answered all my uncertainties and cleared all my doubts of my spiritual path There is no more odubt, no more resistance.

My first confrontation of high ego is wit. SL, I said no to helping her, and then PA, I broke off d rship and then Close friend. And now I find I can say No to CEO.

In a way, surprisingly, now that I know I have high ego, instead of thinking of lowering it, it makes me stronger. I have high ego that is equalled to them and I become fearless. No tot of judging or lowering my ego, sad that I hav such high ego. Jus acceptance n tot of its usefulness.

Where was my high ego being used? Answer; used on myself, pushing myself. For SL, P, PA and CEO, they use their high ego on others.
Mmm, tot of P saying that SL was takin me a ride, always comin to ask advice and not taking it. That SL jus want to make herself feel bigger that she has close rship that I don't have. I denied it n said SL is not that kind of person. Alas, P is that type n that’s why she can see SL.

Finally, I saw it n I will now use my ego outside n not inside. I wil confront high egos n know m safe cos I too hav high ego. Will be more aware n not feel threat anymore. Tina is a possible case. After she found out abt me, she seems to think she is my teacher. She is not. If I followed her, I won't be where I am. Its becos I didn't follow her that I firstly bloom and now transcended.

I m flying.
When I do Shakti - bird call, I now move as if to fly.
I feel fearles.
I feel so at peace
I no longer has any questions.


Evenin
Promotion of Isha
This afternoon tot of d Help Institute again. Tot of getting a Freelancer to help to distribute the flyers.
To pay RM100 to distribute for 12 to 2.30 pm.
At first tot of Despatch. Then tot of Help Institute student and now tot of getting our Fresh Grad to do. Jus pay him the money.
To print flyers from office (to take out black ink). To do 1 ream of paper.
I also don't wan to tell d rest first. Will see.
Jus finished shoonya. I cried cos I said I don't dare to promote it. Don't want people to know abt me. I said don't ask me to do it.
When I stop crying, then another idea came, to put the flyer in Chicken rice shop n now a tot to put d flyer in Bun shop.

During Shakti, stil tot of Isha promotion. After Shambavi, I chk out Sadhguru book for guidance cos I can't believe that m asked to do isha promotion. Its my mind pushing me again to do the very best, to utmost.
Well, not necessary. I won't push myself anymore.
Amen. Jus savour my liberation now, my doubts clear, jus need to develop my awareness further.
I hav transcended my doubt on d path, but not my authoritative mind. Will have to be diligent.