Nine of heart - counselling

Mmm, the nine of Heart card also talk abt me having to counsel some people. These few days has unexpected call from my ex-staff seeking advice.

Yday, my fellow meditator from Mumbai msn me n we chatted. I shared with her the incident on Osho, Brahma Nanda and Sadhguru sathsang. I told her that thanks to Sadhguru, I m on track. She said I have always been on track. She wished she could laugh like me.

Yday evening, loads of belching in the evening shoonya, similar with afternoon but more deep. Then have a good release during Shambavi. This mornin also has a good release of laughter. My laughter is jus a vibration of sound from my stomach. The energy will grow n rumble n finds its way out n when it comes out as laughter. So, is d same as my fellow meditators who experience their vibration as sensation. As for my tears, when m meditating, m open n vulnerable n hence repressed feeling is expressed.

Osho
Not through expression but through experience, transcendence comes.
U cannot cultivate innocence. If it is cultivated, it will be plastic, not authentic. You cannot cultivate saintliness. It comes; it is a fragrance.
When u live ur life utterly involved, committed, it comes.
U have looked all around, u have seen everything, u have understood all; in that understanding is transcendence.

Existence
Existence is neutrel, it simply reflects, it is a mirror.
If u r happy, if u r joyous, u share ur happiness and ur joy. You can share only that which u are - and when u share it, it rebounds on you. Life reflects and echoes whatever u throw at life - it comes back, a thousand fold it comes back.
Smile and the whole existence smiles at u. Shout and abuse, and the whole existence shouts and abuses u. And u are the root cause, u create the whole process.

Soul - the Existence has always smiled at me, except for rship. I guess I wasn't that positive abt rship, feelin bit envious, feeling lack. Feeling fear of having and fear of not having - dilemma. Dilemma represent loss of control.

Mind
Don't trust ur inner voices as they come from minds and u have many minds. Only trust silence.
Silence gives u clarity, gives u light, make u capable of moving rightly. It gives u the eyes to see ur path.

Soul - no reply on my email. Previously I wld take it personally but now I tot perhaps they r bz. Perhaps they don't know how to reply. On me sitting in front, a non issue cos I get the energy wherever I sit. Sadhguru knows my commitment.
I wil continue my current meditation mode. The only thing m still trying is whether can shift shoonya before goin back. The Suria Namaskara is great. This mornin I woke up, I felt my body is not tight, jus flexible. It has been a long while.

Afternoon
Aiyoh, looks like d nine of Heart card real thru I counselling.

On SL, I don't enjoy her company and I don't really like her pe se. Not sure it cld be my jealousy issue but I think is d frustration. I guess I see the rship as burdensome. I guess I see it as nothing to give me n here she wanted something from me. Something I have given time n time again for past. 4 years n its still the same issue. I wonder if this is d break up. It is not givin me anythin n I also can't give her anythin. My feelings are clouded and I can't look at it afresh. Everytime she called me, I will instantly think of d old case. Of cos she said its not, but is not fair to her not tp bring up her case.
Actually d last time when I asked her to choose, that's was d break. I given up then. I have no more heart to continue. I sometimes call her becos of feeling guilty. I don't seek her out, in a way, she does reminds me of Yen Yen.
Mmm, I am avoiding S cos I have nothing to give her n H avoids me cos she has nothin to give me.


Osho
The Universe itself is God. He is the very core of ur being.
The mind always divides, that is the way to understand.
Love life, and loving life you will be loving God. Search into life, and the deeper u go, the more u will find that the world is transforming its qualities.
When u enter into God, u don't enter into him as if he is a person, u enter into him as a flood of energy.