Stress...the answer is to drop my head :)

Osho
Drop my head.

Soul - well, I can't say I drop my head, I drop it whenever Sadhguru has a msg for me. I drop it whenever ego is saying negative. I drop it whenever ego is judging me unfairly.

This mornin, there was no laughter. I know I was disturbed abt the budget. For the past 1 mth, I was resting and now back to work.
Aiyah, I already know the issue n impact. The main thing is not to react to the feeling of insecurity that my CEO may throw me.
Also of cos has to work late for this whole month.
Things I can be happy abt. There is my staff who has been very supportive.
I have already did the impact analysis, of which CEO wants to ignore. If she want to pump up figure, so be it, but it wil be cap by previous year revenue. So can't do much either.
I have Shoonya and Shakti and Shambavi and Suria Namaskara to help me thru this. I also now have Brahma Nanda. And a course in Way of Heart. So many guidance, I will be fine.

Osho
Pain and pleasure are intrinsic parts of life. People are so much afraid of pain that they repress pain, they avoid any situation that brings pain, they go on dodging pain. And finally they stumble upon the fact that u really want to avoid pain, you will have to avoid pleasure. They know that if u avoid pleasure, then naturally great pain is not possible, it comes only as a shadow of pleasure.
Then u walk on the plain ground; you never move on the peaks and u never fall into the valleys. But then you are living dead, then u r not alive.

Soul - so reminiscent of my perception on rship and also of my job or rather my life. Father, I am willing to open up my tots on this. Let me see. I know I can self sabotage myself. Let me see.

Osho
Life exists between these polarities of pain and pleasure. This tension between pain and pleasure makes u capable of creating great music; music exists only in this tension.
Destroy the polarity and u will be stale and dusty and u will never know what splendour is. You have missed life.
The man who wants to know life and live life has to accept and embrace death. They come together, they are 2 aspects of single phenomenon.

Soul - that is me. Apart from possible pain, I also afraid of losing my sense of control. So unconsciously I avoid rship due to pain and loss of internal control.

Osho
Pain is pain - a simple painful fact. Suffering however is only and always the refusal of pain, the claim that life should not be painful and the claim that there is something wrong with pain It is the rejection of a fact, the denial of life and nature.
Death is the mind that minds dying. Where there is no fear of death, who is there to die?

Soul - let me open up. This is my 52 days card of nine of heart. Death to my idea on relationship.

Osho
Buddha said when u have a headache. Simply says "headache, headache". Take note but don't judge, don't say, "Why? Why has this headache happened to me? It should not happen to me". The moment u said should not " you bring suffering ". Now suffering is created by u, not by the headache. Suffering is your antagonistic interpretation, suffering is your denial of the fact.

Soul - I am guilty of this. I always has the precept that Life is joyful and I shld not be make anything I don't like to do. And here I have attracted much challenges in work and rship.

Osho
Only one thing is going to help u - awareness - nothing else. Growth will remain painful if u don't accept life in all its ups and downs. The summer has to be accepted and the winter too.
Meditation is when u r emptied of all that is old and told and done to death. Then u see or rather, then there is seeing; the birth of the new.
The family depends on dependence, the society depends on dependence - they all depend on ur non-growing selves, they all try to keep u stuck somewhere. That's why there is pain. The pain is not becos of growth but because ur culture, ur society has great investment in u and it does not allow you to grow.

Take hold of your being. Face ur pains and throw off all kinds of bondages, because only by being free of all bondages, will u be able to sing ur song and dance ur dance. And that's what prayer is. If u r able to sing the song that u brought in ur heart, u r fulfilled. Then u are a tree which has blossomed.

Whatever bring joy to ur life is virtue.

Afternoon.
Did my shoonya and for the first time loads of belching. I m in tension cos this is stressful week. Let me see this as it is. Yes, waiyee is away n I hv to do the reporting but then it is not more than what was declared previously. As for d budget, I already did the mock up n no surprises either. So, for now is a matter of doing. Honestly the action plan is jus to KIV all planned replacement and even that is not enough.
Father, let me jus accept this n ride it thru. If the CEO wants to scold me, jus do lah. She also stressed like me.
I can do the reporting and I can also attend the IE. This time I wld join on d weekend. I may not join whole day. Aiyaj, again I am curtailing - jus play it by ear. Its only 3 mths once and d last for the y

Osho
1. The issue. Possibilities.
Becos u r in tune with your own nature, u understand that existence is providing you with exactly what u need.

Soul - yeap, I am aware. This few weeks, starting wit Sadhguru's sathsang abt joy and laughter, New tenant replacing June and Bramha Nanda, lunch appt delayed or cancelled so I can do Shoonya. Everything is going in place.
So, don't let the budget thingy worries me.

2. Internal influence I am unaware - Creativity.
Technique, expertise and knowledge are just tools, the key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things.
It makes no difference what particular form ur creativity takes. The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through you.
Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.

Soul
I was creative, tot of the Star event, tot of singing Brahma Nanda in sathsang. Whatever comes lah.
I know I will get the budgets done n stil can participate in the IE. The Universe will move for me.

3. External u are aware. - Rebirth
Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being. It is a time of growth and change.

Soul - I know that. Jus be open and allow.

4. What is needed for resolution.
Compromise.
It is one thing to meet another halfway, to understand a point of view different from our own and work towards a harmony of the opposing forces. It is quite another to "cave in" and betray our own truth.
If we look deeply into it, we usually find that we r trying to gain something - whether it is power or the approval of others. If u r tempted, beware; the rewards of this kind of compromise always leave a bad taste.

Soul - mmm, this sounds like d politic mind again. Tot of CEO's threat n me seeking her approval n do things which is not beneficial to me. I don't want to. Otherwise, the cycle will continue and I be in the whim of budget.

Or perhaps me trying to seek approval on Isha. Aiyah not really. Like I said I wil do when I m fired up but otherwise nope.

5. The resolution - Schizophrenia
How to stop the split, how to be integrated and centred. You are a marketplace - many voices. If u say 'yes" immediately the "no" is there. In this way, happiness is not possible. Unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.