Father, yday sathsang was amazing.

For d 3 wishes, I hav d following;
1. Meeting the owner of bamboo house n hav a coffee, enjoying the view, absorbing d energy from the trees.
2. I m in balance, body, mind, feeling and energy. Whatever is needed to be dominant, that will be the one. Instead of now, mind is dominant over most thing, body n feelin in food.
3. I m conducting a spiritual class for a thousand participants, helping those that wan to be helped.

I did this wishing-meditation, abt a year back n I can't recall much happening. And of cos, I think d new easy job wit good ceo didn't materialise, but well-being did.

This time the meditation, it was so powerful. I was in it. I sense Sadhguru presence n can feel him, I was in d meditation all d way. I participated.
On the teacher thingy, stil resist. When Ma asked me to do guru pooja, I avoid it. Then others start to call me teacher n I freaked out.

Not sure lah, cos I don't follow d norm n I think being a teacher, u hav to fit the mould. So, its tricky. I jus wan to be myself. Again fear of losing my freedom, fear of burden. Anyway, will take it one step a time, M is d teacher, I will just be supporting.

I can't believe they wan me to be becos they see me havin so much experience during meditation. Beside no one ask me abt it. Aiyah, they envious too. Like Yashita and Mala said I m blessed. So, jus continue. My long term wish is to share and spread d experience n hence this is a first step.

I guess m feeling slighted cos no one actually come to ask abt my experience, except for the Spore lady. Perhaps, they tot I wil feel uncomfortable. An, a newcomer, I was feeling good n call out to her, startling her. Then I felt her close up, perhaps didn't like attention drawn to her. At first I judged myself for being insensitive n cannot be teacher n then I tot if she is on d path, she will forgive me.

I am finally reading 'Expect a Miracle', a book on manifesting the rship u want. I bought it 2 years ago, but afraid to read it. Afraid that it doesn't work. Afraid that I be disappointed. Alas, m finally reading cos I now admit I do have blockages.

Expect a Miracle
Meditation is useful for helping u bring abt the miracle of partnership because it clears your mind.
When we are too "in our heads", thinking abt our to-do lists and deadlines or rerunning old conversations, we r separated from our Higher Self and might not notice Mr/Ms Right if he/she were standing right in front of us.
When clear and present to the moment, by contrast, we not only attract people to us but can recognise their grace as well. When we r clear n still, power flows in to us through a vessel, and extend outwards, being in the Miracle Zone.
Its in the Miracle Zone, that we jus now things and we become more of who we are. And in that 'just knowing', a magical thing happens; we become magnetic to a spiritual and rewarding relationship.
Magnetism is that which begins as a connectedness within oneself and then issues forth as a connectedness with others.

Marriane Williamson
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. Its not just in some of us, it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Soul
Ywa, I never talk abt me laughter n no one asked. I used to think something wrong wit me. But now I knew m not. But I still avoid talkin abt it cos don't wan people to think I m connected n they might judge me. If connected, why still don't act the expected spiritual people - humble, serene. I will share. Its time I open up, d dimension that's is possible in meditation.


Expect a Miracle
Of course, what we cannot feel toward ourselves cannot be felt by a potential partner. If we don't like who we are, why would someone else?
So, stop being hard on urself. Forgive ur own shortcomings, see the innocence n even perfection in yourself.
Open ur heart to the possibility that you deserve a miracle.

Soul - I wan to manifest a loving rship with the bamboo house owner. And I know that it wld be a key turning point cos this is d main issue I have. If I manifest, then I will even have more presence as I can know d creation is real.

The case wit An, actually there is this loud and cheeky part of me. This sense of openness, directness, saying what I think, no filtering. This part that eat food without fear. The part that wans to be made love too. The part of me that love a good debate. The part that thinks no one is absolutely right or wrong. The part that wan to retain tying up.

I have kept this part hidden cos I tot it was not likeable. When my control switch is off, I behave spontaneously and hurt people or rather antagonise people n then I will be shunned.
Somehow I am afraid for people to get close to me. Perhaps I have Gemini rising, there is 2 different personality - the part that is intense, serious, contemplative, intellectual and controlled/disciplined and d part that spontaneous, direct, uncontrollable, pleasure n joy seeking, lazy, just wan to have fun.
I showed abt 90 percent the controlled part, 10 percent uncontrolled part that is let out only during food.
The few times that I let my fun part came out, I felt rejected.
That's why I am afraid in commitment to pship. Not sure I can allow my spontaneity to come out. Not sure if I will be rejected if it come out.
Perhaps d word is balancing loh.

Expect a Miracle
Putting an act in order to gain someone's love is sending a message that who you are is not good enough. There is no self-love in that, and certainly no magnetism.
Until we know that we are, of ourselves, enough, we will sabotage anything that comes along indicating otherwise.
When we are comfortable with all aspects of ourselves, self love and magnetism comes naturally.

Soul - apart from the emotional control, I too fear aby my physical dysfunctioning. I cannot play games. When I hit d ball, I can't return it. I afraid if they get to know me, they won't like that m not physically good. Also, I am allergic to insect n etc, so not keen on nature.
Of cos, now I knew that is becos I was using mind d play instead of using body.