Food is equates to love; good food - good love and vice versa

Oct 7
When food is love
Chaos, intensity and drama are normal in the day to day life of a compulsive eater. Suffering is a way of being in the world.

Soul - tot of me n my job. Always high drama with demanding bosses n challenging situation. Also tot of me thinkin I needed d stress so won't grow fat n can eat. Its like d licence to eat. Well, no more. I now jus eat when I wan to n don't worry abt d weight. Don't even weigh myself. Apart from work, there is no drama in my life. Am I recreating it?

When food is love
Overeating is a means to give ourselves
Our relationship to food is a microcosm of all that we learned about loving and being loved. It is the stage upon which we reenact our childhood.

Soul - I don't over eat but m very particular abd d taste of food, d quality, d value. If I take in low value, m not being good to myself. Eating low value rrflects me. Just like havin low value job, having low value partner.
Jus a tot, I said CEO is particular abt everything cos her surrounding is a reflection of her. External things is a reflection of her. PA judged her to not have inherent value n hence need valuation from external. Then for me, I am also like that. Does that means that I m already high value n cannot afford any 'diminishment' or I have no value.

What do I learn abt food. Mom loves us n give us food, let us make choices. Food is her way of showing her love. Food is also a way for me to show love. So I must hav good food to give me good love. Bad food means unloving.

I had no problems not eating or delayed eating. That's why I don't mind to wait n do meditation n eat late. But I hav problems in eating not tasty food. Its not d quantity, its d quality I hav issue with.

Good quality food represent Love.

Since m thinking m not loved, I need to give love to myself via food or even disallowing non-tasty food.
Mmm, its more of a case I resist bad food. I don't mind so much if I can't have good food but I must not have bad food. Having bad food means me devaluing myself.

Good food makes me happy n feel loved
Bad food makes me feel sad n unloved, unworthy.
I wld say I avoid being unworthy, unvaluable.