Delayed response

Today My close friend said I had become 'hard' and not bothered abt the office. I have become like I was before - no rship at office.
She said that I have insulated myself from any rship in the office. She said that I was using d meditation as a crutch. She said m using it as an escape.

I told her nope. The meditation helps me to insulate myself. And it was a conscious decision to do so cos people are not 'real' there. Also I had an experience whereby my friendship wit Fellow meditator was taken n used against me. Everytime I give my opinion, my judgement was questioned. So, I learn not to hav any friends.
As for PA, she betrayed not only me n also Driver for her own good. She was the last straw, she who claimed a Titanic rship can turn around and attack Driver. So, alas I dropped her.

I said my job now - I cannot say m happy n I don't hav any friends there but its a pay cheque n I do my job and I no longer take it as my personal responsibility. I told her lots of people are like that. She said they r not me.

She said she was worried that I may take her judgement n resent her. I said nope, cos I myself was curious on d change.

What is my tot.
1. I agree with her that I have insulated myself.
2. I agree with her that I am no longer bother by my office
3. As for me being arrogant - m not sure what she meant abt that. If she means that m proud of myself that I no longer affected by office, then I agree with her.
4. As for me not willing to extend myself to teach PA - that's I agree.
5. As for using meditation as an escape, as a crutch, I don't agree n I told her. But I can't blame her for saying that cos she doesn't know my experiences in meditation. Infact, I just had a great insight this morning. And in the afternoon, tot I can't do shoonya n unexpectedly Dad's hair cut was delayed by 25 min n I have the chance to do shoonya. Everytime, the Universe work to ensure that I continue with my meditation, even at times I didn't want to. In fact this path wit Sadhguru, the Universe keeps me goin and its not me who is looking for it. That's why I know I don't use the meditation as a crutch. Its a gift from the Universe to me.
6. As for saying that I think m now higher/proud cos I have practised meditation n hence abv the rest, that I don't agree. My colleagues also meditated, so meditating is common in this office. Even CEO do taichi. Infact, the thing I like abt this office is that it let me feel its ok to meditate. Any other office may not n wld think m queer. Over here, everyone is involved in one or the other spiritual practices.
7. Agree that the office is not for me - doesn't let me be myself. Infact just last Thursday, I come to that conclusion n knew that my path is to lead others to be their real self, to be happy.
I wrote this;
1. Counsellor
2. Recruiter
3. Life Coach
4. Isha Promoter

And in the same day, I was called to be one of the Lead of Sathsang and I agreed. I didn't share with her my experience of Isha yoga, partly cos its private, n she doesn't prescribed to emotional release and meditation n so I didn't want to make her feel left out.
Infact I don't even like to share with other Isha meditators cos I was still unsure abt my experience as it is not common among the meditators, even in India.

She said I went back to the past. When she said that there was a glimmmer. Many years ago I didn't wan to hav rship at office cos to me office is not me. Then I went into inner journey n become involved in office and take everything personally.
Now I have detached myself, no longer carry the office burden, no longer take the office matters/happening personally n I m happy abt it.
I recalled that sometime during reiki, I was carrying the burden of everything n now I have learn not to carry.
Actually, I have come a full circle.
So, I am ok.
I mus remember for her rship is everythings (that's why she is ok not revedriverng her feeling to the friend). For me, rship is not path n in a way, m hard like Jung, what is important is how I feel n whether I can be real. If I cannot be real in rship, I wld just terminate it. And in this office, I cannot be real n I consciously insulate myself.
So I do appear to be 'hard' but that's is me n I have come a full circle n m now stronger.
Jus like my journey with being happy, now my journey with office has come back a full circle. Alas I am back, d karma has been broken.

I m wondering, she n I also listen to the Way of Heart, but we seem to have receive different message.
For me the Way of Heart talk abt making ourself happy by creating the happenings that we want. It didn't say abt having to make all our rship work. It didn't said abt the main goal is to be loving to others. I have never been loving n I don't claim to be. I was overly attached to being an advisor/mediator/work.

I hav removed my energy from office to my family n my new meditators friends.
I m happier now n lots of people have said that. Not sure why she didn't see that m happier n infact said I have work to do at office.

I wonder if perhaps she is worried that I m drifting away from her. Of cos, there is such possibility. I m growing n I don't know what I will be. I think its limiting to say that my path is to be loving to all that I meet. To teach people even when they don't want to. I will only teach those which God send me n those who are willing.

I m happy and at ease. Amen

Midnite
Actually, who does My close friend think she is. To judge me like that.